It all ends here

A life, many stages, (almost) a million stories.

I have arrived at an end to a stage of my life, and the beginning of another.

I have arrived to this point where many changes are taking place simultaneously, all of which, these changes will affect the next 10 years of my life.

Its time for me to understand, let go of the past and move on.

I had the time of my life as a baby, a child and a student. I had enjoyed being childish, being stubborn and be forgiven of all the baby mistakes that I've made for the past 18 years. Enough of all the tantrums, enough with the escapism, enough of being weak.

Its time to move on to adulthood.

Its time to be mature, to face pressures and responsibilities.

I used to wonder how long will I be able to keep up a blog? A few months? A few years perhaps... or forever? But I realised, its not the time and duration, but the stages of life that matters to keep up a blog.

Partly Cloudy is a record of memories, of my time as a child and a student. Its like my past... I cannot keep holding on to it and not let go... I need to put a stop, to end this stage of life, So I can continue on to the next one.

So, the blog ends here, together with my childhood - A past, a memory, many stories that I will cherish forever, yet I cannot bring it with me if I wanna proceed on.

I'm not forgoing a part of me. What has passed is past, I need to let go. Hiding in the hole of memories, will only deter me from moving on.

Ending here, is a form of closure, a recognition of reality.

I'll still keep this blog open, so if one day I decide to walk down the memory lane, and wanna reopen this box of memories, I still could.

It all ends here with a new beginning to look forward to.

New Blog: http://my-dream-box-and-me.tumblr.com/

Til then

Jean

Alone

Recently I seem to have lost all faith and confidence in marriage and/or love. From my perspective, the marriage life of that two person which I'm seeing now?
I would rather live a life without it.

I'm entertaining the thought of remaining alone for the rest of my life.

Jean

失望

我是个没有梦想的人。

在我向现实低头的那天，我已经失去了拥有梦想的权利。

半途放弃，只会让所有人对我失望。

我尤其辜负了你们...

Enter

My dream will never stay as a dream if I start acting on it. Yes, even if it seems impossible, I will work towards it. I'll start everything off with a wonderful script. I think, the key to it, is to keep things simple, interesting and funny. I have a lot of ideas in mind, the challenge is actually to pen them down.

Ever since last November, I have lost the touch of writing. Like holding a pen and scribble a few pages of essays. I actually missed doing that.

I hope this flame of passion don't die out like always. I need motivation to keep it going. I have plans, and its time to execute it.

Jean

7-Days

OK, I'm starting to dread weekdays.
Monday I've gotta work, Tuesday? Work and school, Wednesday piano and school, Thursday driving and school, Friday work. OK, maybe the only time I look forward to during weekday would be the occasional dinner I have with dear on Friday nights.
I'm beginning to get bored of this routinized arrangement.
I'm entertaining thoughts to escape from it again.

School has been such a bore. I've totally lost that enthusiasm towards attending school. I need to find something to interest me. Really. I also need time to pack my notes, and revise. Yes, I haven't really started my revision ever since school started. Everything is like in a huge mess! Well not that I don't have the time, but normal days after work, I'm already too tired and lazy to even touch my notes. SIGH, this suck.

Out of the seven days, I dread the 5 weekdays, love Saturdays and sometimes hate and feel neutral about Sundays. I love Saturdays because they are like my only day with Dear every week.

BIG BIG SIGH...
Jean

Happy Birthday Singapore!!!

9th August, National day - a day break for me yet I'm not fully utilising this privilege entitled to me. Sigh... Yes, you've guessed it, on this beautiful day, I'm rotting at home, just taking things very slowly.

Still... Happy Birthday Singapore!!! :)

After today, everything resumes - work and school and more work and more school. Getting busier and busier by the month. I hate it and love it, quite a bittersweet relationship I'm having now with my life. Sigh...

Gonna missed the fireworks today :( Sad life.

Jean

Emotions

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". - Newton's third law

Its funny that, I'll tend experienced extreme sadness after I've gone through the same degree of happiness. People find me crazy, may even worry if I'm mentally sound or not. Sometimes I do worry about that myself.

I don't think I can be strong anymore. I seem to have lost that sense of control over my emotions. I realised that I can no longer hold in my emotions when I wanted to. Net told me that I shouldn't worry about it because this means I'm becoming more humane.
Perhaps letting my emotions flow as it wants is better for me, because holding it in, its just torturous.

Anyway, school starts already, I'm feeling a little weird about everything, hope I can adjust myself quickly.

Jean

Vulnerable

Pretty rough days I had, what I hoped won't occur, might happened.
I used to think that we are too distant. Whatever happened is not even enough make me feel anything... No that is not true. I actually felt something, so strongly. So we aren't that distant like I thought we were.

I don't know how to vent it out, those emotions, like a turmoil inside inside me, made me not able to breathe. I know if it becomes the truth, I cannot take it. I've been through it twice I don't want to go through it the third time.

I feel so helpless because theres really nothing I can do. Should I just give in to fate and destiny? Do I still have that power to control? No more I guess, ever since I've become a slave of reality, I lost my power to control.

Vulnerable, yes we are. Things come as quickly as they goes. Cherish the present I guess its the best solution.

Jean

Come what may

I think I'm getting used to this...
Weekdays just concentrate on what I have to do, and spend my weekends not thinking about work and just enjoy myself with Dear or friends.

But I wonder how long will it last?
Because changes are always taking place, and I'm a slow adapter, once I'm beginning to get used to something, its usually the time for me to start adapting to another new change.

Anyway, I'm feeling okay, about Dear having to book in because I know this week is sort of the last week he is going to do that. Well, after that, what happens? I'm not going to fret about it just yet... come what may for now.

I reckon the week pass just as fast as I wanted it to, so I'm just feeling very calmly about everything... Acceptance-embracement or resignition? I don't know, but I like this feeling about not rushing and taking things slowly.

Jean

Uber Happy!!!

Today and yesterday was another one of the best days of 2011.

Yesterday was because it was a great day spent with Dear. Today, not only I get to see Dear, I also found myself a Danboard!!! That was the utmost happinest I've ever experienced. To think I was a little disappointed with the fact that I missed the chance to grab one Danbo for myself when it was still in stock. And today, I found it, it was like... WOOO YEAH!!!

Haha! I was like laughing to myself when I came out from the figurine shop, really I was like smiling and laughing to myself. I think the passerby might think that I'm some looney or something, but hey! I got my Danboard, so I'm the boss!!! XD

Anyway, almost lost my ezlink card again, but thank god, a nice kind soul picked it up and returned it to me, so happy haha!

But, today, I've really overspent, I got this feeling, my dad is gonna nag at me... again. Yes he nagged once last month, and the month before, so I'm guessing another round is gonna come soon. VERY SOON.

Oh! Bought a shirt with a Bear-Bear pin. Well, actually the shop keeper told me I'm supposed to pay for the bear pin, but I bargained and she gave me for free, so ya, YAYNESS!! :)

Well, hope tomorrow will be okay, cos, I think I'll feel emotional again cos Dear is booking in. But, hey, last week of the 19 week, I should be happy for him, so just keep the happinest going!... at least until Monday arrives, then I'll be stress all over again.

Monday to Thursday: Working plus studying mode.
Friday to Sunday: Relax and Chill mode.
Preparing to switch mode anytime now. Argh what a dreadful thing to do...

Anyway, til then
TOODLES!!! XD
Jean

Heading nowhere

Every year is like a new path, a new journey to me. Every year, I would set off with a goal/ an end in mind, hoping that I will achieve what I've aimed for.
This year, I seem to lack a goal. Actually, I don't have a goal... maybe to some,I do have something to achieve this year... but they are just not that kind of "end in mind" I'm looking for.

I don't know this is the "god-knows-how-many-times" this year that I've felt like this. Feels like I'm moving forward aimlessly - like moving with the flow; I'm "obliged-to-move-on-not-because-I-want-to". Then... I'll stop and ask myself where I'm heading to? But I never have an answer. Heading nowhere, I must say.

It is saddening to find yourself stuck with the flow and not able to do anything to get yourself out of the situation - The monotony of life; the expectations of people on you that you will never meet; the fact that you've lost the sense of control over many things; the uncertainties of future. Its dark and bleak. I dare not imagine, I dare not look forward.

I lost the power to control, I'm afraid... very afraid of what lies before me. Losing the motivation to move on at such young age... I feel sorry for myself. What will happen to me for the next 6 months? Actually the question should be, what will happen to us in the next 6 months?

Changes are always taking place... I thought I can adapt to it, but actually I still can't. Its never easy to deal with changes. I hate it, but sadly, thats life - ever changing.

Yes, I'm still walking on this path, hoping to find my answer and my goal along the way. Its one lonely quest, but I need to do this. However before I continue my search, I'll need to take a break and do some soul searching to clear my mind.

Jean

Alone time

My family will be back late, so I'm left home alone tonight.

Well, it ain't so bad to be left alone for awhile. Allowing myself some quality time with... myself. I'm not exactly gonna slack my night away just like that, I have work to do. There is really nothing bad about data entry, but what frustrates me the most is, the classification of accounts... Nah, lets not go in to that.

I've got contact lens! Ya, gonna try something new and I finally can buy myself sunnies!!! haha!!!

Well, taking a break from the frustrating accounts, dinner at 630pm.

Nothing really exciting this week, hope next week will be better. :)

Jean

Pacing

I don't know why, it seems to me that the next few months and years (until I'm done with ACCA) seems pretty bleak to me.
Erm, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying studying ACCA doesn't provide me with a good prospect, it certainly does. Its just that, during the days when I don't have to report for lessons, I don't want to report to Acme Focus for work.
And god knows which unit Dear will be posted to, I'm afraid we will have lesser and lesser time for each other.

I started to pace over whether I really should go for ACCA. If not, where else should I go?

I mean, it has nothing to do with the course, I love accounts, but... I just cannot imagine what will the next few months be like? Yea, I have schedules and plans, but there are many unforeseen circumstances which I cannot plan for, and there are many uncertainties which I'm afraid to face.

Well, at the end of the day, everything will still remain as a question mark unless I walk towards it and explore. However, what kept me pacing on, is my relationship... will we end up not having enough time for each other? What will happen if his unit needs him to report on weekends and rest on weekdays, whilst I'm only free on weekends?!

URGH!

Pacing all over again...
Jean

Phases of my life

Another 2 More weeks to the start of the next phase of my life, and this blog has followed me through secondary school, JC and soon, College.

Right now, what and who I can think of to blog about is about me and Dear. I'm happy that even after all that ups and downs; and we are almost a year old, we are still so deeply in love with each other.

I was uncertain about where I would end up after my A levels. Will I step in to the music/ performing arts industry? education? or accounts? Or maybe even some other industry which I'll never expect myself to major in. But now, though I still don't know what lies in front of me, since I've chosen accounts, I'll just walk down the path and let nature take its course - Come What May.

But I have a goal in mind which I'm pretty certain about achieving it. I think it will happen. As for what goal/ dream is that? Its for me to know and for you to find out. Well, you will know it eventually. ^^

Til Then
Jean

Happy :)

Yay! after two freakin weeks, I finally get to meet Dear.

Anyway, I spent a wonderful Friday and Saturday with him. He won me alot of toys, like really, A LOT. LOL! THANKS DEAR!!! XD
Yes, yesterday and today was definitely part of the 90%, and I believe theres more to come :)

Okay, I'm like spamming the soundtrack of The Pirates Of The Carribean. Want to watch it again... LOL!!!

Oh my Oh My, school is starting soon... Need to quickly go get my materials and revise first, before I can't catch up with the lecturer.

Jean

TPGE Handover Camp 2011

I attended TPGE's guitar camp yesterday. The 2 day 1 night camp ended in a blink of an eye. It was pretty enjoyable, and whats so memorable about it was the fact that this was the first camp I ever participated with Net. Well... actually she wasn't supposed to go, but I thought since its school holidays, why not bring her along, let her enjoy herself before her school reopens; and I thought as an elder sister I could give her more chance to expose to more people and experiences.

Anyway, this month is relatively less busy than May, nontheless my schedule is still pretty packed up. So I'm currently having some time management issues. Lol!

I'm very exhausted from the camp... so why am I still blogging at this ungodly hour? You might ask. Well, my daddy just bought me a new laptop (because the previous one died on me a few weeks ago) now I'm personalizing and configuring it, so tomorrow I can bring it to work.

Yes, I'm working tomorrow, how lucky is that? No rest but more work.

With school starting in July, I may need to stop guitar teaching. July might be my last month teaching guitar. I started with TPGE and I'm glad I can end it together with TPGE. And most probably, I won't be going back anymore. All good things will have to come to an end. My relationship with TPGE didn't end last year when I stepped down as a senior, but this year, as a grand-senior to the J1s. I'll definitely miss playing with my ensemble, playing on stage achieving one ensemble, one sound.

The installations are taking forever~ I'm knocking out soon~

Jean

Mid-year resolutions

So far, this year has been rather... eventful. I've spent much more time with my friends then I usually would. Also, with the (almost) 6 months break from school work, I'm pretty ready to hit the books again.

What I hope I could do for the next 6 months would of course be attaining good grades for my 4 papers; keep Six Harmonix alive and going - meaning going for gigs and performances; continue my piano; take up another instrument, probably guitar; practice my electric guitar; start with the comic project; start with my own publishing project; take up singing lessons; record more songs with Net; pass my driving test; accomplish all my AcmeFocus assignments well with no careless mistakes; build deeper bond with my friends, my band mates, my family plus relatives and of course my dear; finish that 1000 pieces puzzle (yes, I haven't complete it). I think, I can accomplish all of these this year, provided that I actually start on them.

I hope we can move house this year, I really think my space is too small... :( and I hope I can persuade my parents to get me a cheap laptop because the current one that I'm using, is really getting on to my nerves!!!

Oh yeah, I didn't get into any local U, but SAA is fine :) Just as I planned two years ago. Well maybe I'm really destinied to become an accountant. Moreover, I want to help my parents in some way, so going for ACCA doesn't seem bad at all.

I'll start school in July, my break will end soon. 3 more weeks to enjoy my freedom. Oh boy, I can't wait for school!!! XD

Shall start changing my blogging style and display :)

Jean

Flawed

As much as I try to be calm about it and let things go, I realised I can't, because I'm human, I'm flawed, therefore, I kick up a big fuss out of small things. Yeah, call me unreasonable. I had enough trying to be nice, sometimes it just never pays to be kind.

I've decided to let my emotions flow, because I'm sick of bottling things up and act that I'm okay when I'm not. Like it or not, up to you.

Jean

May 2011

Wow, it has been awhile since I last post anything up here. April went by quickly, almost half a year gone.

Well, I've experienced (and still experiencing) many changes around me. However, unfortunately I'm not adapting very well; but I'm definitely making a lot of effort to adjust myself towards these changes, tough but I'm positive about it.

I've stopped working at Acme Focus, now I'm an assistant guitar instructor at AJC, soon to be SRJC's and hopefully TPJC as well. Also, thanks to Angelyn, she has gotten me a tuition job! So, I can consider myself a busy woman now. Haha!

One of my new year resolutions is to do something useful, well with the jobs on my hand, and the commencement of my SPCA duties, I guess I can safely check this item out of my list!

This week is one of those adjustment weeks, where I need to get used to my newly planned schedule. For someone who rejects changes big time, its has been really difficult. Hope I can quickly recover from it and really concentrate with my work.

Mr Choo asked me a question yesterday and it has been occuring in my head ever since. He asked me if I were to choose a job which I'll willingly to it for free, what would it be? Obviously that job would be the dream job which I wouldn't even mind not getting paid doing for. Well I didn't really reply his question but its definitely an answer I'm searching for as well. I have so many friends with ambitious dreams, what are mine? I guess its time for some soul searching.

Jean

Home bound

I'm officially addicted to playing the piano.
Woke up at 8 today, and played the piano til now, and I'm planning to get back to it afterwards.
Well, tried some new songs, and attempted to perfect TOP CAT.
Can't believed I could actually spend my whole day on the piano, that definitely a good sign, means my passion for piano has came back.

I'm still deciding if I should buy that music box. I mean ya, I love it but I'm unemployed now so I really shouldn't spend so much. T_T Unless... some kind souls are willing to buy it for me I'd greatly appreciate. ^^

Registered for driving lesson. Yes, like finally?! Well I did mentioned before the reason that deterred me from driving lessons were the amount of crashes I've made while playing driving simulation games in the arcade. I really do hope the simulations are different from actual driving. T_T All lessons will commence in May.

Anyway, hope my application as a SPCA volunteer gets approved soon, cause staying at home is boring and I'm too lazy to work, so now, volunteer work would be the most ideal. So if everything goes well, I'd have volunteer work, guitar teaching, driving lessons and piano lessons to keep me occupied for the upcoming months.

What do I do when I'm at home? Play my piano, play the guitar, sing, draw, write my stories, house chores... Well practically they are the things that I wanted to do when I was still schooling. I was always complaining that school has taken away my time to do all these things. Now? When I'm not schooling, I complain that after I've done all of the above, I still have excess supply of time in hand and I have no idea how to spend it.

Go back to school shall we?

Well til then ^^
Jean