It all ends here

A life, many stages, (almost) a million stories.

I have arrived at an end to a stage of my life, and the beginning of another.

I have arrived to this point where many changes are taking place simultaneously, all of which, these changes will affect the next 10 years of my life.

Its time for me to understand, let go of the past and move on.

I had the time of my life as a baby, a child and a student. I had enjoyed being childish, being stubborn and be forgiven of all the baby mistakes that I've made for the past 18 years. Enough of all the tantrums, enough with the escapism, enough of being weak.

Its time to move on to adulthood.

Its time to be mature, to face pressures and responsibilities.

I used to wonder how long will I be able to keep up a blog? A few months? A few years perhaps... or forever? But I realised, its not the time and duration, but the stages of life that matters to keep up a blog.

Partly Cloudy is a record of memories, of my time as a child and a student. Its like my past... I cannot keep holding on to it and not let go... I need to put a stop, to end this stage of life, So I can continue on to the next one.

So, the blog ends here, together with my childhood - A past, a memory, many stories that I will cherish forever, yet I cannot bring it with me if I wanna proceed on.

I'm not forgoing a part of me. What has passed is past, I need to let go. Hiding in the hole of memories, will only deter me from moving on.

Ending here, is a form of closure, a recognition of reality.

I'll still keep this blog open, so if one day I decide to walk down the memory lane, and wanna reopen this box of memories, I still could.

It all ends here with a new beginning to look forward to.

New Blog: http://my-dream-box-and-me.tumblr.com/

Til then

Jean

Alone

Recently I seem to have lost all faith and confidence in marriage and/or love. From my perspective, the marriage life of that two person which I'm seeing now?
I would rather live a life without it.

I'm entertaining the thought of remaining alone for the rest of my life.

Jean

失望

我是个没有梦想的人。

在我向现实低头的那天，我已经失去了拥有梦想的权利。

半途放弃，只会让所有人对我失望。

我尤其辜负了你们...

Enter

My dream will never stay as a dream if I start acting on it. Yes, even if it seems impossible, I will work towards it. I'll start everything off with a wonderful script. I think, the key to it, is to keep things simple, interesting and funny. I have a lot of ideas in mind, the challenge is actually to pen them down.

Ever since last November, I have lost the touch of writing. Like holding a pen and scribble a few pages of essays. I actually missed doing that.

I hope this flame of passion don't die out like always. I need motivation to keep it going. I have plans, and its time to execute it.

Jean

7-Days

OK, I'm starting to dread weekdays.
Monday I've gotta work, Tuesday? Work and school, Wednesday piano and school, Thursday driving and school, Friday work. OK, maybe the only time I look forward to during weekday would be the occasional dinner I have with dear on Friday nights.
I'm beginning to get bored of this routinized arrangement.
I'm entertaining thoughts to escape from it again.

School has been such a bore. I've totally lost that enthusiasm towards attending school. I need to find something to interest me. Really. I also need time to pack my notes, and revise. Yes, I haven't really started my revision ever since school started. Everything is like in a huge mess! Well not that I don't have the time, but normal days after work, I'm already too tired and lazy to even touch my notes. SIGH, this suck.

Out of the seven days, I dread the 5 weekdays, love Saturdays and sometimes hate and feel neutral about Sundays. I love Saturdays because they are like my only day with Dear every week.

BIG BIG SIGH...
Jean

Happy Birthday Singapore!!!

9th August, National day - a day break for me yet I'm not fully utilising this privilege entitled to me. Sigh... Yes, you've guessed it, on this beautiful day, I'm rotting at home, just taking things very slowly.

Still... Happy Birthday Singapore!!! :)

After today, everything resumes - work and school and more work and more school. Getting busier and busier by the month. I hate it and love it, quite a bittersweet relationship I'm having now with my life. Sigh...

Gonna missed the fireworks today :( Sad life.

Jean

Emotions

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". - Newton's third law

Its funny that, I'll tend experienced extreme sadness after I've gone through the same degree of happiness. People find me crazy, may even worry if I'm mentally sound or not. Sometimes I do worry about that myself.

I don't think I can be strong anymore. I seem to have lost that sense of control over my emotions. I realised that I can no longer hold in my emotions when I wanted to. Net told me that I shouldn't worry about it because this means I'm becoming more humane.
Perhaps letting my emotions flow as it wants is better for me, because holding it in, its just torturous.

Anyway, school starts already, I'm feeling a little weird about everything, hope I can adjust myself quickly.

Jean

Vulnerable

Pretty rough days I had, what I hoped won't occur, might happened.
I used to think that we are too distant. Whatever happened is not even enough make me feel anything... No that is not true. I actually felt something, so strongly. So we aren't that distant like I thought we were.

I don't know how to vent it out, those emotions, like a turmoil inside inside me, made me not able to breathe. I know if it becomes the truth, I cannot take it. I've been through it twice I don't want to go through it the third time.

I feel so helpless because theres really nothing I can do. Should I just give in to fate and destiny? Do I still have that power to control? No more I guess, ever since I've become a slave of reality, I lost my power to control.

Vulnerable, yes we are. Things come as quickly as they goes. Cherish the present I guess its the best solution.

Jean

Come what may

I think I'm getting used to this...
Weekdays just concentrate on what I have to do, and spend my weekends not thinking about work and just enjoy myself with Dear or friends.

But I wonder how long will it last?
Because changes are always taking place, and I'm a slow adapter, once I'm beginning to get used to something, its usually the time for me to start adapting to another new change.

Anyway, I'm feeling okay, about Dear having to book in because I know this week is sort of the last week he is going to do that. Well, after that, what happens? I'm not going to fret about it just yet... come what may for now.

I reckon the week pass just as fast as I wanted it to, so I'm just feeling very calmly about everything... Acceptance-embracement or resignition? I don't know, but I like this feeling about not rushing and taking things slowly.

Jean

Uber Happy!!!

Today and yesterday was another one of the best days of 2011.

Yesterday was because it was a great day spent with Dear. Today, not only I get to see Dear, I also found myself a Danboard!!! That was the utmost happinest I've ever experienced. To think I was a little disappointed with the fact that I missed the chance to grab one Danbo for myself when it was still in stock. And today, I found it, it was like... WOOO YEAH!!!

Haha! I was like laughing to myself when I came out from the figurine shop, really I was like smiling and laughing to myself. I think the passerby might think that I'm some looney or something, but hey! I got my Danboard, so I'm the boss!!! XD

Anyway, almost lost my ezlink card again, but thank god, a nice kind soul picked it up and returned it to me, so happy haha!

But, today, I've really overspent, I got this feeling, my dad is gonna nag at me... again. Yes he nagged once last month, and the month before, so I'm guessing another round is gonna come soon. VERY SOON.

Oh! Bought a shirt with a Bear-Bear pin. Well, actually the shop keeper told me I'm supposed to pay for the bear pin, but I bargained and she gave me for free, so ya, YAYNESS!! :)

Well, hope tomorrow will be okay, cos, I think I'll feel emotional again cos Dear is booking in. But, hey, last week of the 19 week, I should be happy for him, so just keep the happinest going!... at least until Monday arrives, then I'll be stress all over again.

Monday to Thursday: Working plus studying mode.
Friday to Sunday: Relax and Chill mode.
Preparing to switch mode anytime now. Argh what a dreadful thing to do...

Anyway, til then
TOODLES!!! XD
Jean