It all ends here

A life, many stages, (almost) a million stories.

I have arrived at an end to a stage of my life, and the beginning of another.

I have arrived to this point where many changes are taking place simultaneously, all of which, these changes will affect the next 10 years of my life.

Its time for me to understand, let go of the past and move on.

I had the time of my life as a baby, a child and a student. I had enjoyed being childish, being stubborn and be forgiven of all the baby mistakes that I've made for the past 18 years. Enough of all the tantrums, enough with the escapism, enough of being weak.

Its time to move on to adulthood.

Its time to be mature, to face pressures and responsibilities.

I used to wonder how long will I be able to keep up a blog? A few months? A few years perhaps... or forever? But I realised, its not the time and duration, but the stages of life that matters to keep up a blog.

Partly Cloudy is a record of memories, of my time as a child and a student. Its like my past... I cannot keep holding on to it and not let go... I need to put a stop, to end this stage of life, So I can continue on to the next one.

So, the blog ends here, together with my childhood - A past, a memory, many stories that I will cherish forever, yet I cannot bring it with me if I wanna proceed on.

I'm not forgoing a part of me. What has passed is past, I need to let go. Hiding in the hole of memories, will only deter me from moving on.

Ending here, is a form of closure, a recognition of reality.

I'll still keep this blog open, so if one day I decide to walk down the memory lane, and wanna reopen this box of memories, I still could.

It all ends here with a new beginning to look forward to.

New Blog: http://my-dream-box-and-me.tumblr.com/

Til then

Jean

Alone

Recently I seem to have lost all faith and confidence in marriage and/or love. From my perspective, the marriage life of that two person which I'm seeing now?
I would rather live a life without it.

I'm entertaining the thought of remaining alone for the rest of my life.

Jean

Enter

My dream will never stay as a dream if I start acting on it. Yes, even if it seems impossible, I will work towards it. I'll start everything off with a wonderful script. I think, the key to it, is to keep things simple, interesting and funny. I have a lot of ideas in mind, the challenge is actually to pen them down.

Ever since last November, I have lost the touch of writing. Like holding a pen and scribble a few pages of essays. I actually missed doing that.

I hope this flame of passion don't die out like always. I need motivation to keep it going. I have plans, and its time to execute it.

Jean

7-Days

OK, I'm starting to dread weekdays.
Monday I've gotta work, Tuesday? Work and school, Wednesday piano and school, Thursday driving and school, Friday work. OK, maybe the only time I look forward to during weekday would be the occasional dinner I have with dear on Friday nights.
I'm beginning to get bored of this routinized arrangement.
I'm entertaining thoughts to escape from it again.

School has been such a bore. I've totally lost that enthusiasm towards attending school. I need to find something to interest me. Really. I also need time to pack my notes, and revise. Yes, I haven't really started my revision ever since school started. Everything is like in a huge mess! Well not that I don't have the time, but normal days after work, I'm already too tired and lazy to even touch my notes. SIGH, this suck.

Out of the seven days, I dread the 5 weekdays, love Saturdays and sometimes hate and feel neutral about Sundays. I love Saturdays because they are like my only day with Dear every week.

BIG BIG SIGH...
Jean

Happy Birthday Singapore!!!

9th August, National day - a day break for me yet I'm not fully utilising this privilege entitled to me. Sigh... Yes, you've guessed it, on this beautiful day, I'm rotting at home, just taking things very slowly.

Still... Happy Birthday Singapore!!! :)

After today, everything resumes - work and school and more work and more school. Getting busier and busier by the month. I hate it and love it, quite a bittersweet relationship I'm having now with my life. Sigh...

Gonna missed the fireworks today :( Sad life.

Jean

Come what may

I think I'm getting used to this...
Weekdays just concentrate on what I have to do, and spend my weekends not thinking about work and just enjoy myself with Dear or friends.

But I wonder how long will it last?
Because changes are always taking place, and I'm a slow adapter, once I'm beginning to get used to something, its usually the time for me to start adapting to another new change.

Anyway, I'm feeling okay, about Dear having to book in because I know this week is sort of the last week he is going to do that. Well, after that, what happens? I'm not going to fret about it just yet... come what may for now.

I reckon the week pass just as fast as I wanted it to, so I'm just feeling very calmly about everything... Acceptance-embracement or resignition? I don't know, but I like this feeling about not rushing and taking things slowly.

Jean

Uber Happy!!!

Today and yesterday was another one of the best days of 2011.

Yesterday was because it was a great day spent with Dear. Today, not only I get to see Dear, I also found myself a Danboard!!! That was the utmost happinest I've ever experienced. To think I was a little disappointed with the fact that I missed the chance to grab one Danbo for myself when it was still in stock. And today, I found it, it was like... WOOO YEAH!!!

Haha! I was like laughing to myself when I came out from the figurine shop, really I was like smiling and laughing to myself. I think the passerby might think that I'm some looney or something, but hey! I got my Danboard, so I'm the boss!!! XD

Anyway, almost lost my ezlink card again, but thank god, a nice kind soul picked it up and returned it to me, so happy haha!

But, today, I've really overspent, I got this feeling, my dad is gonna nag at me... again. Yes he nagged once last month, and the month before, so I'm guessing another round is gonna come soon. VERY SOON.

Oh! Bought a shirt with a Bear-Bear pin. Well, actually the shop keeper told me I'm supposed to pay for the bear pin, but I bargained and she gave me for free, so ya, YAYNESS!! :)

Well, hope tomorrow will be okay, cos, I think I'll feel emotional again cos Dear is booking in. But, hey, last week of the 19 week, I should be happy for him, so just keep the happinest going!... at least until Monday arrives, then I'll be stress all over again.

Monday to Thursday: Working plus studying mode.
Friday to Sunday: Relax and Chill mode.
Preparing to switch mode anytime now. Argh what a dreadful thing to do...

Anyway, til then
TOODLES!!! XD
Jean

Alone time

My family will be back late, so I'm left home alone tonight.

Well, it ain't so bad to be left alone for awhile. Allowing myself some quality time with... myself. I'm not exactly gonna slack my night away just like that, I have work to do. There is really nothing bad about data entry, but what frustrates me the most is, the classification of accounts... Nah, lets not go in to that.

I've got contact lens! Ya, gonna try something new and I finally can buy myself sunnies!!! haha!!!

Well, taking a break from the frustrating accounts, dinner at 630pm.

Nothing really exciting this week, hope next week will be better. :)

Jean

Pacing

I don't know why, it seems to me that the next few months and years (until I'm done with ACCA) seems pretty bleak to me.
Erm, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying studying ACCA doesn't provide me with a good prospect, it certainly does. Its just that, during the days when I don't have to report for lessons, I don't want to report to Acme Focus for work.
And god knows which unit Dear will be posted to, I'm afraid we will have lesser and lesser time for each other.

I started to pace over whether I really should go for ACCA. If not, where else should I go?

I mean, it has nothing to do with the course, I love accounts, but... I just cannot imagine what will the next few months be like? Yea, I have schedules and plans, but there are many unforeseen circumstances which I cannot plan for, and there are many uncertainties which I'm afraid to face.

Well, at the end of the day, everything will still remain as a question mark unless I walk towards it and explore. However, what kept me pacing on, is my relationship... will we end up not having enough time for each other? What will happen if his unit needs him to report on weekends and rest on weekdays, whilst I'm only free on weekends?!

URGH!

Pacing all over again...
Jean

Phases of my life

Another 2 More weeks to the start of the next phase of my life, and this blog has followed me through secondary school, JC and soon, College.

Right now, what and who I can think of to blog about is about me and Dear. I'm happy that even after all that ups and downs; and we are almost a year old, we are still so deeply in love with each other.

I was uncertain about where I would end up after my A levels. Will I step in to the music/ performing arts industry? education? or accounts? Or maybe even some other industry which I'll never expect myself to major in. But now, though I still don't know what lies in front of me, since I've chosen accounts, I'll just walk down the path and let nature take its course - Come What May.

But I have a goal in mind which I'm pretty certain about achieving it. I think it will happen. As for what goal/ dream is that? Its for me to know and for you to find out. Well, you will know it eventually. ^^

Til Then
Jean

Happy :)

Yay! after two freakin weeks, I finally get to meet Dear.

Anyway, I spent a wonderful Friday and Saturday with him. He won me alot of toys, like really, A LOT. LOL! THANKS DEAR!!! XD
Yes, yesterday and today was definitely part of the 90%, and I believe theres more to come :)

Okay, I'm like spamming the soundtrack of The Pirates Of The Carribean. Want to watch it again... LOL!!!

Oh my Oh My, school is starting soon... Need to quickly go get my materials and revise first, before I can't catch up with the lecturer.

Jean

Mid-year resolutions

So far, this year has been rather... eventful. I've spent much more time with my friends then I usually would. Also, with the (almost) 6 months break from school work, I'm pretty ready to hit the books again.

What I hope I could do for the next 6 months would of course be attaining good grades for my 4 papers; keep Six Harmonix alive and going - meaning going for gigs and performances; continue my piano; take up another instrument, probably guitar; practice my electric guitar; start with the comic project; start with my own publishing project; take up singing lessons; record more songs with Net; pass my driving test; accomplish all my AcmeFocus assignments well with no careless mistakes; build deeper bond with my friends, my band mates, my family plus relatives and of course my dear; finish that 1000 pieces puzzle (yes, I haven't complete it). I think, I can accomplish all of these this year, provided that I actually start on them.

I hope we can move house this year, I really think my space is too small... :( and I hope I can persuade my parents to get me a cheap laptop because the current one that I'm using, is really getting on to my nerves!!!

Oh yeah, I didn't get into any local U, but SAA is fine :) Just as I planned two years ago. Well maybe I'm really destinied to become an accountant. Moreover, I want to help my parents in some way, so going for ACCA doesn't seem bad at all.

I'll start school in July, my break will end soon. 3 more weeks to enjoy my freedom. Oh boy, I can't wait for school!!! XD

Shall start changing my blogging style and display :)

Jean

May 2011

Wow, it has been awhile since I last post anything up here. April went by quickly, almost half a year gone.

Well, I've experienced (and still experiencing) many changes around me. However, unfortunately I'm not adapting very well; but I'm definitely making a lot of effort to adjust myself towards these changes, tough but I'm positive about it.

I've stopped working at Acme Focus, now I'm an assistant guitar instructor at AJC, soon to be SRJC's and hopefully TPJC as well. Also, thanks to Angelyn, she has gotten me a tuition job! So, I can consider myself a busy woman now. Haha!

One of my new year resolutions is to do something useful, well with the jobs on my hand, and the commencement of my SPCA duties, I guess I can safely check this item out of my list!

This week is one of those adjustment weeks, where I need to get used to my newly planned schedule. For someone who rejects changes big time, its has been really difficult. Hope I can quickly recover from it and really concentrate with my work.

Mr Choo asked me a question yesterday and it has been occuring in my head ever since. He asked me if I were to choose a job which I'll willingly to it for free, what would it be? Obviously that job would be the dream job which I wouldn't even mind not getting paid doing for. Well I didn't really reply his question but its definitely an answer I'm searching for as well. I have so many friends with ambitious dreams, what are mine? I guess its time for some soul searching.

Jean

Home bound

I'm officially addicted to playing the piano.
Woke up at 8 today, and played the piano til now, and I'm planning to get back to it afterwards.
Well, tried some new songs, and attempted to perfect TOP CAT.
Can't believed I could actually spend my whole day on the piano, that definitely a good sign, means my passion for piano has came back.

I'm still deciding if I should buy that music box. I mean ya, I love it but I'm unemployed now so I really shouldn't spend so much. T_T Unless... some kind souls are willing to buy it for me I'd greatly appreciate. ^^

Registered for driving lesson. Yes, like finally?! Well I did mentioned before the reason that deterred me from driving lessons were the amount of crashes I've made while playing driving simulation games in the arcade. I really do hope the simulations are different from actual driving. T_T All lessons will commence in May.

Anyway, hope my application as a SPCA volunteer gets approved soon, cause staying at home is boring and I'm too lazy to work, so now, volunteer work would be the most ideal. So if everything goes well, I'd have volunteer work, guitar teaching, driving lessons and piano lessons to keep me occupied for the upcoming months.

What do I do when I'm at home? Play my piano, play the guitar, sing, draw, write my stories, house chores... Well practically they are the things that I wanted to do when I was still schooling. I was always complaining that school has taken away my time to do all these things. Now? When I'm not schooling, I complain that after I've done all of the above, I still have excess supply of time in hand and I have no idea how to spend it.

Go back to school shall we?

Well til then ^^
Jean

Realise

I've made some deep realisations over the week.
I'm pretty much cleared of my doubts and anxieties now.
I mean I should be more contented with what I have right now, I really shouldn't ask for more. I'm thankful that I've made it this far. I'll continue on.

Well, its undeniable that these worries might just surface again... But, I will try to not think of them.

I need to learn just one more thing.
Place more trust in people around me.

Jean

Get well soon

I don't whats happening to my throat, I haven't been speaking much for the past few days because it hurts so bad, that I would rather resort to body language as my form of communication between people, than talking.
I hope I would at least regain ten percent of my voice so I can teach the J1s tomorrow. I'm already on two days medical leave and I don't want a third day.

What do you do when you are so free at home? I was downloading apps from the market. :P Yeah, I've downloaded a diary app on my phone LOL, I have no idea how useful it is, but frankly, I downloaded it because of the user interface. Hopefully it can replace my hardcopy diaries and save some trees lol!!!

Anyway, I need to get well soon, so I won't rot at home and allow my mind to run wild. I really hate thinking so much. Worrying, its a killer. Its torturing me to no end and I hate it.

Jean

Ambition

Before I start on anything, well 'm glad that the happening week has come to an end. Well I expected myself to feel down because of my A levels results and my piano exam, but apparently I didn't. So this week seems generally happy. Of course, I have quite a few emotional moments because I have some personal issues to deal with and up til now I'm still bugged by it, but I hope it will go away soon.

I need to make a trip to DTE to buy that beautiful music box but next week I'll be overloaded with work (because of the one week leave I took) so, dear music box, do wait for me to get you home someday ya?

Anyway, when I was still a child, my teacher loved to make my class write compositions about our ambition. My ambition ranged from a farmer, to a vet, then a doctor to becoming a pilot, a musician, an artist, teacher, astronaut... etc. The fact is, I haven't gave much thought about what I would like to be when I grow up, because to me at that point in time, deciding my career seems so far away.

Who knows, NOW, I'm at this crossroad trying to figure out exactly what I would like to do when I enter the workforce. I'm trying to reconcile my dreams and reality, trying to find a balance between the both. I hope to do something I like but at the same time I could feed myself as well as a family with my job.

I need to pry into my heart and really ask myself what is it that I want. Because I've regretted my choice two years ago, I don't want to make another choice that will make me regret even further.

Jean

A good start indeed

Okay, believe it or not, my piano exam was fine. As in FINE!!! There is a possibility that I could pass this time round!!! HAHA!!! XD
Well unless of course, the only thing that would pull my grades down and make me fail would be my aural test. T_T
I'M A VOCALIST!!! THE EXAMINER ACTUALLY GRIMACED WHEN I'M HAVNG MY AURAL TEST!!! Sight reading was bad enough, sight sing? Leave me alone!!!

Okay, well since its over, I shan't be bothered by it anymore. Went for a haircut and highlighted my hair. :) LOVE IT!!! XD

Seems like its a good start to this "Happening week" but I'm not too sure if I can end this week on a high note or not. Tomorrow Dear will be booking out, but don't think I can go see him because its too late. Anyway, YES!!! Going TPGE to help out = HAPPY!!!

Now lets mug for the theory exam. T_T

HAHA!!!

Til then,
Jean

The happening week starts now....

I'm anticipating a rather happening week ahead.
There will be tears and laughter - but more tears I guess.

I hope I can start this emotional roller coaster ride on the right note: Tomorrow's piano exam. Everything seems fine, I seem well prepared and definitely more confident than previous tries, however I cannot ignore the fact that I might freak out during the exam and screw things up like I did previously. I need something to calm my wrecking nerves if I ever do freak out tmr. Cross my fingers, and hope I'll do well.

Everyone is saying that A level results will be released this friday. Well, I'm going to brace myself for another round of family war because of my atrocious results. Will miracle happen?

Dear is booking out on Wednesday, thats definitely a YAY for me. However if his book out time is later than 9pm, I can't go down to fetch him. T_T Anyway, we are going for a movie on Thursday, so ya, still a YAY. ^^

Starting my TPGE work on Wednesday^^ Sweet.
After tomorrow, I need to start drilling my theory work because theory exam is on sat afternoon. Saturday night? going to attend JJ Lin's Concert.

If I'll feel down and upset, I need to try and pick up myself quickly. Because the world will not stop for me when I fell, I'll need to work harder, stand up and catch up with the world's pace.
"If life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile." (Its a nice quote I read online, can't remember the source; Let me know if you know thanks.)

Jean

Update

Off from work til 7 March because of my music exams.
Working in Acme Focus is mentally challenging, because the fact that I don't require much brain effort, I struggle a lot to keep myself awake. Its utmost important because I'm sitting right in front of the door, I don't want any clients to see me dozing off and have bad impressions of Acme Focus.

Try playing piano non stop for almost 8 hours a day, same songs, same scales and same arpeggios. I ought to give myself a break, but if I stop playing it would mean that I'm rotting my time away, and if I did badly for my exam, I would blame myself to no end.

Anyway, gonna start a drawing blog to share my work with everyone, so stay tuned ^^
Jean