Every year is like a new path, a new journey to me. Every year, I would set off with a goal/ an end in mind, hoping that I will achieve what I've aimed for.
This year, I seem to lack a goal. Actually, I don't have a goal... maybe to some,I do have something to achieve this year... but they are just not that kind of "end in mind" I'm looking for.
I don't know this is the "god-knows-how-many-times" this year that I've felt like this. Feels like I'm moving forward aimlessly - like moving with the flow; I'm "obliged-to-move-on-not-because-I-want-to". Then... I'll stop and ask myself where I'm heading to? But I never have an answer. Heading nowhere, I must say.
It is saddening to find yourself stuck with the flow and not able to do anything to get yourself out of the situation - The monotony of life; the expectations of people on you that you will never meet; the fact that you've lost the sense of control over many things; the uncertainties of future. Its dark and bleak. I dare not imagine, I dare not look forward.
I lost the power to control, I'm afraid... very afraid of what lies before me. Losing the motivation to move on at such young age... I feel sorry for myself. What will happen to me for the next 6 months? Actually the question should be, what will happen to us in the next 6 months?
Changes are always taking place... I thought I can adapt to it, but actually I still can't. Its never easy to deal with changes. I hate it, but sadly, thats life - ever changing.
Yes, I'm still walking on this path, hoping to find my answer and my goal along the way. Its one lonely quest, but I need to do this. However before I continue my search, I'll need to take a break and do some soul searching to clear my mind.
Jean
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Alone time
My family will be back late, so I'm left home alone tonight.
Well, it ain't so bad to be left alone for awhile. Allowing myself some quality time with... myself. I'm not exactly gonna slack my night away just like that, I have work to do. There is really nothing bad about data entry, but what frustrates me the most is, the classification of accounts... Nah, lets not go in to that.
I've got contact lens! Ya, gonna try something new and I finally can buy myself sunnies!!! haha!!!
Well, taking a break from the frustrating accounts, dinner at 630pm.
Nothing really exciting this week, hope next week will be better. :)
Jean
Well, it ain't so bad to be left alone for awhile. Allowing myself some quality time with... myself. I'm not exactly gonna slack my night away just like that, I have work to do. There is really nothing bad about data entry, but what frustrates me the most is, the classification of accounts... Nah, lets not go in to that.
I've got contact lens! Ya, gonna try something new and I finally can buy myself sunnies!!! haha!!!
Well, taking a break from the frustrating accounts, dinner at 630pm.
Nothing really exciting this week, hope next week will be better. :)
Jean
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Pacing
I don't know why, it seems to me that the next few months and years (until I'm done with ACCA) seems pretty bleak to me.
Erm, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying studying ACCA doesn't provide me with a good prospect, it certainly does. Its just that, during the days when I don't have to report for lessons, I don't want to report to Acme Focus for work.
And god knows which unit Dear will be posted to, I'm afraid we will have lesser and lesser time for each other.
I started to pace over whether I really should go for ACCA. If not, where else should I go?
I mean, it has nothing to do with the course, I love accounts, but... I just cannot imagine what will the next few months be like? Yea, I have schedules and plans, but there are many unforeseen circumstances which I cannot plan for, and there are many uncertainties which I'm afraid to face.
Well, at the end of the day, everything will still remain as a question mark unless I walk towards it and explore. However, what kept me pacing on, is my relationship... will we end up not having enough time for each other? What will happen if his unit needs him to report on weekends and rest on weekdays, whilst I'm only free on weekends?!
URGH!
Pacing all over again...
Jean
Erm, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying studying ACCA doesn't provide me with a good prospect, it certainly does. Its just that, during the days when I don't have to report for lessons, I don't want to report to Acme Focus for work.
And god knows which unit Dear will be posted to, I'm afraid we will have lesser and lesser time for each other.
I started to pace over whether I really should go for ACCA. If not, where else should I go?
I mean, it has nothing to do with the course, I love accounts, but... I just cannot imagine what will the next few months be like? Yea, I have schedules and plans, but there are many unforeseen circumstances which I cannot plan for, and there are many uncertainties which I'm afraid to face.
Well, at the end of the day, everything will still remain as a question mark unless I walk towards it and explore. However, what kept me pacing on, is my relationship... will we end up not having enough time for each other? What will happen if his unit needs him to report on weekends and rest on weekdays, whilst I'm only free on weekends?!
URGH!
Pacing all over again...
Jean
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Phases of my life
Another 2 More weeks to the start of the next phase of my life, and this blog has followed me through secondary school, JC and soon, College.
Right now, what and who I can think of to blog about is about me and Dear. I'm happy that even after all that ups and downs; and we are almost a year old, we are still so deeply in love with each other.
I was uncertain about where I would end up after my A levels. Will I step in to the music/ performing arts industry? education? or accounts? Or maybe even some other industry which I'll never expect myself to major in. But now, though I still don't know what lies in front of me, since I've chosen accounts, I'll just walk down the path and let nature take its course - Come What May.
But I have a goal in mind which I'm pretty certain about achieving it. I think it will happen. As for what goal/ dream is that? Its for me to know and for you to find out. Well, you will know it eventually. ^^
Til Then
Jean
Right now, what and who I can think of to blog about is about me and Dear. I'm happy that even after all that ups and downs; and we are almost a year old, we are still so deeply in love with each other.
I was uncertain about where I would end up after my A levels. Will I step in to the music/ performing arts industry? education? or accounts? Or maybe even some other industry which I'll never expect myself to major in. But now, though I still don't know what lies in front of me, since I've chosen accounts, I'll just walk down the path and let nature take its course - Come What May.
But I have a goal in mind which I'm pretty certain about achieving it. I think it will happen. As for what goal/ dream is that? Its for me to know and for you to find out. Well, you will know it eventually. ^^
Til Then
Jean
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Happy :)
Yay! after two freakin weeks, I finally get to meet Dear.
Anyway, I spent a wonderful Friday and Saturday with him. He won me alot of toys, like really, A LOT. LOL! THANKS DEAR!!! XD
Yes, yesterday and today was definitely part of the 90%, and I believe theres more to come :)
Okay, I'm like spamming the soundtrack of The Pirates Of The Carribean. Want to watch it again... LOL!!!
Oh my Oh My, school is starting soon... Need to quickly go get my materials and revise first, before I can't catch up with the lecturer.
Jean
Anyway, I spent a wonderful Friday and Saturday with him. He won me alot of toys, like really, A LOT. LOL! THANKS DEAR!!! XD
Yes, yesterday and today was definitely part of the 90%, and I believe theres more to come :)
Okay, I'm like spamming the soundtrack of The Pirates Of The Carribean. Want to watch it again... LOL!!!
Oh my Oh My, school is starting soon... Need to quickly go get my materials and revise first, before I can't catch up with the lecturer.
Jean
Thursday, June 9, 2011
TPGE Handover Camp 2011
I attended TPGE's guitar camp yesterday. The 2 day 1 night camp ended in a blink of an eye. It was pretty enjoyable, and whats so memorable about it was the fact that this was the first camp I ever participated with Net. Well... actually she wasn't supposed to go, but I thought since its school holidays, why not bring her along, let her enjoy herself before her school reopens; and I thought as an elder sister I could give her more chance to expose to more people and experiences.
Anyway, this month is relatively less busy than May, nontheless my schedule is still pretty packed up. So I'm currently having some time management issues. Lol!
I'm very exhausted from the camp... so why am I still blogging at this ungodly hour? You might ask. Well, my daddy just bought me a new laptop (because the previous one died on me a few weeks ago) now I'm personalizing and configuring it, so tomorrow I can bring it to work.
Yes, I'm working tomorrow, how lucky is that? No rest but more work.
With school starting in July, I may need to stop guitar teaching. July might be my last month teaching guitar. I started with TPGE and I'm glad I can end it together with TPGE. And most probably, I won't be going back anymore. All good things will have to come to an end. My relationship with TPGE didn't end last year when I stepped down as a senior, but this year, as a grand-senior to the J1s. I'll definitely miss playing with my ensemble, playing on stage achieving one ensemble, one sound.
The installations are taking forever~ I'm knocking out soon~
Jean
Anyway, this month is relatively less busy than May, nontheless my schedule is still pretty packed up. So I'm currently having some time management issues. Lol!
I'm very exhausted from the camp... so why am I still blogging at this ungodly hour? You might ask. Well, my daddy just bought me a new laptop (because the previous one died on me a few weeks ago) now I'm personalizing and configuring it, so tomorrow I can bring it to work.
Yes, I'm working tomorrow, how lucky is that? No rest but more work.
With school starting in July, I may need to stop guitar teaching. July might be my last month teaching guitar. I started with TPGE and I'm glad I can end it together with TPGE. And most probably, I won't be going back anymore. All good things will have to come to an end. My relationship with TPGE didn't end last year when I stepped down as a senior, but this year, as a grand-senior to the J1s. I'll definitely miss playing with my ensemble, playing on stage achieving one ensemble, one sound.
The installations are taking forever~ I'm knocking out soon~
Jean
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Mid-year resolutions
So far, this year has been rather... eventful. I've spent much more time with my friends then I usually would. Also, with the (almost) 6 months break from school work, I'm pretty ready to hit the books again.
What I hope I could do for the next 6 months would of course be attaining good grades for my 4 papers; keep Six Harmonix alive and going - meaning going for gigs and performances; continue my piano; take up another instrument, probably guitar; practice my electric guitar; start with the comic project; start with my own publishing project; take up singing lessons; record more songs with Net; pass my driving test; accomplish all my AcmeFocus assignments well with no careless mistakes; build deeper bond with my friends, my band mates, my family plus relatives and of course my dear; finish that 1000 pieces puzzle (yes, I haven't complete it). I think, I can accomplish all of these this year, provided that I actually start on them.
I hope we can move house this year, I really think my space is too small... :( and I hope I can persuade my parents to get me a cheap laptop because the current one that I'm using, is really getting on to my nerves!!!
Oh yeah, I didn't get into any local U, but SAA is fine :) Just as I planned two years ago. Well maybe I'm really destinied to become an accountant. Moreover, I want to help my parents in some way, so going for ACCA doesn't seem bad at all.
I'll start school in July, my break will end soon. 3 more weeks to enjoy my freedom. Oh boy, I can't wait for school!!! XD
What I hope I could do for the next 6 months would of course be attaining good grades for my 4 papers; keep Six Harmonix alive and going - meaning going for gigs and performances; continue my piano; take up another instrument, probably guitar; practice my electric guitar; start with the comic project; start with my own publishing project; take up singing lessons; record more songs with Net; pass my driving test; accomplish all my AcmeFocus assignments well with no careless mistakes; build deeper bond with my friends, my band mates, my family plus relatives and of course my dear; finish that 1000 pieces puzzle (yes, I haven't complete it). I think, I can accomplish all of these this year, provided that I actually start on them.
I hope we can move house this year, I really think my space is too small... :( and I hope I can persuade my parents to get me a cheap laptop because the current one that I'm using, is really getting on to my nerves!!!
Oh yeah, I didn't get into any local U, but SAA is fine :) Just as I planned two years ago. Well maybe I'm really destinied to become an accountant. Moreover, I want to help my parents in some way, so going for ACCA doesn't seem bad at all.
I'll start school in July, my break will end soon. 3 more weeks to enjoy my freedom. Oh boy, I can't wait for school!!! XD
Shall start changing my blogging style and display :)
Jean
Friday, May 6, 2011
Flawed
As much as I try to be calm about it and let things go, I realised I can't, because I'm human, I'm flawed, therefore, I kick up a big fuss out of small things. Yeah, call me unreasonable. I had enough trying to be nice, sometimes it just never pays to be kind.
I've decided to let my emotions flow, because I'm sick of bottling things up and act that I'm okay when I'm not. Like it or not, up to you.
Jean
I've decided to let my emotions flow, because I'm sick of bottling things up and act that I'm okay when I'm not. Like it or not, up to you.
Jean
Thursday, May 5, 2011
May 2011
Wow, it has been awhile since I last post anything up here. April went by quickly, almost half a year gone.
Well, I've experienced (and still experiencing) many changes around me. However, unfortunately I'm not adapting very well; but I'm definitely making a lot of effort to adjust myself towards these changes, tough but I'm positive about it.
I've stopped working at Acme Focus, now I'm an assistant guitar instructor at AJC, soon to be SRJC's and hopefully TPJC as well. Also, thanks to Angelyn, she has gotten me a tuition job! So, I can consider myself a busy woman now. Haha!
One of my new year resolutions is to do something useful, well with the jobs on my hand, and the commencement of my SPCA duties, I guess I can safely check this item out of my list!
This week is one of those adjustment weeks, where I need to get used to my newly planned schedule. For someone who rejects changes big time, its has been really difficult. Hope I can quickly recover from it and really concentrate with my work.
Mr Choo asked me a question yesterday and it has been occuring in my head ever since. He asked me if I were to choose a job which I'll willingly to it for free, what would it be? Obviously that job would be the dream job which I wouldn't even mind not getting paid doing for. Well I didn't really reply his question but its definitely an answer I'm searching for as well. I have so many friends with ambitious dreams, what are mine? I guess its time for some soul searching.
Jean
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Home bound
I'm officially addicted to playing the piano.
Woke up at 8 today, and played the piano til now, and I'm planning to get back to it afterwards.
Well, tried some new songs, and attempted to perfect TOP CAT.
Can't believed I could actually spend my whole day on the piano, that definitely a good sign, means my passion for piano has came back.
I'm still deciding if I should buy that music box. I mean ya, I love it but I'm unemployed now so I really shouldn't spend so much. T_T Unless... some kind souls are willing to buy it for me I'd greatly appreciate. ^^
Registered for driving lesson. Yes, like finally?! Well I did mentioned before the reason that deterred me from driving lessons were the amount of crashes I've made while playing driving simulation games in the arcade. I really do hope the simulations are different from actual driving. T_T All lessons will commence in May.
Anyway, hope my application as a SPCA volunteer gets approved soon, cause staying at home is boring and I'm too lazy to work, so now, volunteer work would be the most ideal. So if everything goes well, I'd have volunteer work, guitar teaching, driving lessons and piano lessons to keep me occupied for the upcoming months.
What do I do when I'm at home? Play my piano, play the guitar, sing, draw, write my stories, house chores... Well practically they are the things that I wanted to do when I was still schooling. I was always complaining that school has taken away my time to do all these things. Now? When I'm not schooling, I complain that after I've done all of the above, I still have excess supply of time in hand and I have no idea how to spend it.
Go back to school shall we?
Well til then ^^
Jean
Woke up at 8 today, and played the piano til now, and I'm planning to get back to it afterwards.
Well, tried some new songs, and attempted to perfect TOP CAT.
Can't believed I could actually spend my whole day on the piano, that definitely a good sign, means my passion for piano has came back.
I'm still deciding if I should buy that music box. I mean ya, I love it but I'm unemployed now so I really shouldn't spend so much. T_T Unless... some kind souls are willing to buy it for me I'd greatly appreciate. ^^
Registered for driving lesson. Yes, like finally?! Well I did mentioned before the reason that deterred me from driving lessons were the amount of crashes I've made while playing driving simulation games in the arcade. I really do hope the simulations are different from actual driving. T_T All lessons will commence in May.
Anyway, hope my application as a SPCA volunteer gets approved soon, cause staying at home is boring and I'm too lazy to work, so now, volunteer work would be the most ideal. So if everything goes well, I'd have volunteer work, guitar teaching, driving lessons and piano lessons to keep me occupied for the upcoming months.
What do I do when I'm at home? Play my piano, play the guitar, sing, draw, write my stories, house chores... Well practically they are the things that I wanted to do when I was still schooling. I was always complaining that school has taken away my time to do all these things. Now? When I'm not schooling, I complain that after I've done all of the above, I still have excess supply of time in hand and I have no idea how to spend it.
Go back to school shall we?
Well til then ^^
Jean