Mad

Feeling rather happy this week.
People may find me crazy, when I'm standing alone and laughing to myself.
Well I don't care. ^^
Though not everything is going my way, but it seems like, even if the world is collapsing soon, it is not gonna affect me. ^^

I'm giving myself realistic hopes and setting realistic goals.
Last lap. This marathon will end soon.
Following that, I'll start running the other life marathons. And I'm pretty sure that there will be tougher challenges ahead, waiting for me.
Though they may seem intimidating, I have found the courage to face them already. ^^

Run For It!!!
Jean

Chaos

Chaotic week.
Consultation slots are jumping all over the place. :(
Need to reschedule my consultations.

ARGH!

YAY!
10.10.10 is (according to Jean's calendar) BEN TEN's DAY! Hope can spend at least half an hour to watch one of Ben Ten episode. :)
Mummy just mentioned that 10.10.10 is an auspicious day, so she is planning on a gathering to celebrate.
Er... ok, I don't mind. Cool, a break before A levels. :)
But spare me the morning to revise my math thank you very much!

:)

Jean

:)

With a twist of fate.
...
...
Officially in love. :)

不会再担心，害怕，或怀疑了。
因为已经有了答案。
...
...
恋爱了:)

Jean

Crazy

I'm going crazy soon.

Why do I have to face all these endless annoyances?

I brought it upon myself.

Who else can I blame besides me?

Why can't I understand myself better and know what I want?
Why is it so hard to sort things out, so hard to decide, so hard to try and so hard to love?

I need a way to end this.

Desperately.

Jean

Surprises

Talking about being surprised, I realised, so far, no one ever managed to surprise me.
Partly because, my family can't keep secrets and I'm a curious person, with the help of "underhand means", very soon, I'll get them talking.

:P Muahahaha!!!

From past experiences, I realised that expectations and surprises doesn't get along.
So a friendly advise, if you want to be surprised, stop expecting one. :D

PS: MINI DANBO IS SUPER CUTE!!!
I WANT!!!
I'll buy myself one with my first salary.... which will be like in 6 months time? :(
ARGH!!! Can't Wait!!!

Jean

Whirl, Swirl, Twirl

I think Mr Messy has found himself a new place to settle.
My mind.

I'm desperately trying to sort out my thoughts.
Trying to straighten things out.

Thought, going out for a chill will make me feel better, but, no, it became messier.

I have alot of questions in my mind. I need to seek for answers.

Lots of people advised me to follow my heart. I guess the premise to this advise is that your heart is clearheaded.
But please, my heart and my mind is already in a mess, how do you expect me to trust it's judgement?

Its killing me!!!

In a mess
Jean

Love and Being loved

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.

- Lao Tzu

相爱的时候,不是因为我们找到了完美,而是我们学会用完美的眼光去看不完美。

- 老子

Just some random thoughts that surfaced while I was brainstorming for my story. :D

Jean

Misplaced

I've been searching for a feeling, which I thought I've 'misplaced' it somewhere.
I had it with me 2 years ago, but somehow or rather, I thought, it went missing.

Never thought I'd find it again.
Then, I guess...
A part of it came back.

Hope.

Thank you for showing me that glimpse light when I'm at my darkest moment.

最初的判断成为了生命的盲点，
挡住了我看见其他可能的视线。
一直在寻找的，原来就在身边。

Jean

Idling

How wonderful.
Gastric acted up this morning
and it lasted throughout the entire chemistry paper.
(Yes I'm guessing that it will affect my performance for the paper. Just imagine, I have to fight the MCQs and the pain at the same time. DOUBLE BLOW!)
Then I have to rush home because I'm anticipating reflux.
Vomitted twice.
How wonderful.
I've this feeling that my gastric problem is worsening. :(
Oh my... I don't want to go through another scope session! :(

Slept through the whole afternoon.
After dinner, I began to work on my song.
And yeah, got the tune and lyrics done.
Now its time to fret about the background music.

So I guess I did not idle my day away, at least I got something done. :D

Jean

Negatives

The question is no longer "whether I know what I want in life."
The question now is "Even if I know what I want, can I do it?"

My sis came home today rejoicing about how she has made tremendous improvements academically.
I know she would definitely do very well for her O levels.
That is one load off my mind.

As for me, 49 days or lesser to A levels.
Just when I thought things are going to get better for me this time round. Just when I thought things are going on fine between me and prelims.
Reality just has to make me think otherwise.
I felt like I've stepped on a landmine.
Negativity really sinks in today.
How wonderful.

I was depressed.
Was.
Because thank god, music exists in this world.
If not, I don't know how am I going to survive this ordeal.

I wouldn't mind to repeat myself.
My sister is lucky because she has Mdm Yeo with her to keep her going.
I was just as lucky as her. If not luckier.
Because I had both Miss Soh and Mdm Yeo with me when I was fighting O levels.

This year I have none.

My 13 point is for them. (Though 13 points isn't exactly worth being proud of, but trust me, if you know me well, judging by my calibre, you will do the same - exclaim with joy - even if its just a 13.)
...
...
...

This year I have none.

PS: Thank god only 49 more days to the end of sufferings!
Oh no! only 49 more days left!

Jean

Random

It is actually sad to realise that I have too many 'wants' and too many 'needs'.
Nontheless, Its quite difficult to differentiate them.
Like...
getting myself an electric guitar... a want or need?
setting up a music station... a want or need?
buying a DAW... a want or need?
Going for a music course... want or need?

我很担忧。
轻松应考，
是有信心呢？
还是初期想放弃的征兆？
我开始麻木了吗？
开始厌倦了？

我真的没有面对数字一辈子的心理准备。
我想做音乐。
我想写剧本。
我想拍电影。
我想画画。
我想画漫画。
我想拍动画片。

为什么就是没有人相信我可以？

Jean

Imagination

I realised, I've been talking about Music.
It seems that I've neglected the other two interests of my life.
Drawing and Writing.
I shall say something about writing. haha.

I thought, correct me if I'm wrong, most fictional novels and stories stem from, or, I would rather say that they are the results of imaginations.

Personally, according to my own experience, imagining something is the most fundamental stage to start writing - at the very least, to get me started in writing.

Sometimes I would prefer "realistic imaginations" (Imagine situations that will occur in real life. They are the best materials for drama serials :D).
While the rest of the time, I'll indulge in "unrealistic/idealistic imagination" (Imagining situations whereby it will never happen in reality. Eg: Riding on a unicorn with my prince in wonderland and live happily ever after :P).

Whichever the case is, it makes my writing process more enjoyable.

PS: OK, this seems to be talking more about imaginations, then writing. Anyway til then, TOODLES!
Jean

Soul Searching

How nice, just before I'm convinced that the week of study break I could lock myself at home and rot (and of course study), I'm being called back to school. -_-
What a PLEASANT surprise.

Anyway, things have been going on rather smoothly this few weeks.
I've figured that its useless to comment on my prelims, because I really don't want to record this moment of my life.
It will only make me more miserable.

Recently, I've done some "soul searching".
Oh no, haha, I haven't done anything wrong.
I'm just trying to understand myself better. Thinking about what I really want in life, what to do in life.
Ha.
I guess, at this point in life, figuring out your future has become a daily routine already.

To be honest. Something is holding me back. Restricting me to pursue my dream.

Fear.

I dont know how passionate I am towards this dream.

I don't know is choosing dream over reality is the right path.

I don't know... I don't know....

Actually, I need to thank Yi Ning for his assuring words:
Million thanks to you, for assuring me that my dreams aren't unrealistic. Thanks for believing that I can do it. :)

Like I said I could really use some motivation now, though, I'm still lost.

Its ok, I'll figure them out somehow; someday.
I just hope that this someday, is really not "a code-word for Never."

Jean

Miracles

Listening to Myra's Miracles Happen.

"You showed me faith is not blind
I don't need wings to help me fly
Miracles happen, once in a while
When you believe

(miracles happen)

You showed me dreams come to life
That taking a chance on us was right
All things will come with a little time
When You believe"

Yes. Did I ever mention that I love Disney's productions to the max?
If not, I'll say it again.
"I LOVE DISNEY'S PRODUCTIONS TO THE MAX!!!"

They never fail to give me hope. :)

Yes, believe that miracles do happen!!!

Jean