Still in search of that particular motivation that I've mentioned earlier to again foster my interest to study.
So I browsed through NUS's and NTU's webpage to look for those entry requirements of certain courses, to serve as a target for the next 1.5 years.
However, I was demoralised.
I was appalled by the realisation of the competitiveness I'll be facing after 'A's and entering a course in local U. "Where do I stand?", "Do I have what it takes to survive in this challenging society?" are the questions that I've been asking myself numerous time ever since.
Things were made extremely difficult when I have been constantly challenged by procrastinations as well as the low commitment level I had in me.
(Which eventually lead to another issue that I'll go into it later: How long will my enthusiam last if I chose either Veterinary, or Accounting, or Teaching or establishing a career in the Mass Media industry when I enter University?)
I'm lost.
I'm always pondering about where will I end up next, after (hopefully) my 2 years in TPJC?
I felt that I'm gradually losing even that little amount of confidence that I had in me and I have enough of tolerating the perpetual feeling of demoralisation when I'm in school. The gap between O level and A level are simply too far apart. I think I'm losing grip.
I'm questioning my capabilities.
I felt that I don't have enough substance to back me up during group work. I can't seem to contribute much during group discussions and it had always makes me feel really... really small. On top of that the feeling of guiltness is overwhelming.
I should start reading.
Straight 'A's for me? Only in dreams I guess.
Nevertheless, not to worry, I've NOT reached the stage where I'll feel regretful that I've chosen JC education.
Still surviving yea!
RANTING
Jean