Put Up A Strong Front

I accidentally cut myself with a piece of paper. It was quite a deep one for a paper cut. Well it hurts, but I didn't sit on the floor and wail like a child. Instead, I stared at the wound and laugh at my own clumsiness.

Then it set me thinking. Just like Tuesday, when I had my medical leave because of gastric, I arranged to attend piano lesson that day, because I knew I would have CNY plannings this evening. My teacher was astounded by how I could drag myself to lesson and could still joke with her despite the churning pain I was going through inside me.
'You do put up a very strong front, eh Jean?' she asked. I agreed.

Today, my friend commented that she didn't know that I actually like to talk so much. I was stunned. I was so busy hiding my wound, that I didn't realised that I was already over-doing it. So, when I appear to be that OK, I guess I'm not really that OK.

I seldom cry. The more I'm in pain, the more hurt I am, the stronger 'the front' that I put up would be. I never cry. So when I actually cry for something, its (really) a great deal.

...

Oh, on a side note, 3 more days to CNY. (Yes I'm STILL counting down. I can't believe we don't have any CNY celebration. and I have test tomorrow! OMG!)
Jean

4 More Days

Yes I'm counting down to CNY... because I really have nothing better to do.

Returned to college today. The gastric and vomitting sensation still persist. (Every moment, I practically felt like throwing up.) But this is an old friend of mine, they will be gone soon. :)

OK~ I'm gibberish-ing nonsense.
4 More Days to CNY
Yes I've nothing better to do other than counting down to CNY. I know. You don'thave to remind me.
Jean

MC

On medical leave today.

Gastric and Vomitting ain't the best combo to have. :(

Urgh.

I drew around 35 tigers today.
Threw at least 20 unsuccessful tigers to the bin and the other 15 successful tigers will be my New Year Gifts to all my relatives.

:D
5 More Days to CNY
Jean

Mark it

Today is the first day of Friendship week.
My school made today as 'Mark Your Friends' Day (or was it something else? Well... who cares as long as the meaning is there.)

So practically, people draw on their friends with markers. (Of course, no offensive and disturbing statements/ remarks were allowed)

OK so I got marked. On both of my arms. :D

Mum fetched me home today. Upon seeing my arms being covered with red blue green and yellow, she exclaimed in utter disbelief that my arms were "vandalised".

Well, it was an expected reaction. So I'm not complaining. :P

I was extremely cranky today, probably because of the lack of sleep and in addition, my Literature tutor was getting on to my nerves this morning hence she just makes everything worse.

CNY is like this Sunday!!! Can't wait for all my red packets, and HEHE Ben 10 YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR ME OK ??!!

Oh I'm still cutting down on junk food LOL
Jean

Random...

The J1s came for guitar trial today, it went on smoothly. Some J1s looked really adorable. Haha :P

Prac-ing Summer Breeze, Gavotte and Sleepers Awake. I really need an adaptation period after switching from Guitar 2 to 3. But no worries, I'll catch up soon. :P

Chinese New Year is NEXT WEEK! I've gotta cut down on all the junk food before I actually outgrow the new clothes I just bought last Sunday. :P

Did Organic Chemistry on Wednesday. Well interesting, but I don't get the lecture.

I've got a million things to say, but I have no idea how to put them in words.

Let just put it this way...

Recently whenever I'm around him, I'll tend to feel overly high-strung; excited; happy and at the same time, melancholic as well as gloomy.
When he is not around me, most of the time, my mind will be preoccupied with every thoughts of him. (No worries, he is not affecting my concentration in class. :P)
Symptoms of Crush. Thats what my bestie said. Ok~ I'm still in the mist of figuring out what exactly these feelings are. But really, they are driving me crazy.

Ok, forget it, drop that aside.

Oh my gawd...
Jean

Love

Matt White - Love

And love, such a silly game we play..
Oh, like a summer's day in May.
What is love?What is love?
I just want it to be loved..

Ooh, And I..I..I..I..I..I can feel it in your kiss,
It just gives me tender bliss
What is love?What is love?
I just want it to be loved..

When I feel you around
I was mad as hell, when I hit the ground
When I see you laugh away,
It hurts but I just won't say.

And love, who can tell me I am wrong
I just know that i am strong
What is love?What is love?
I just want it to be loved...

When I feel you around.
We were so upset, we fell on the ground
When I see you mad at me
It was such a silly thing

OoOOh Love such a silly game we play
Like a summer's day in May
What is love?What is love?
I just want it to be loved...

Ooh, And I..I..I..I..I..I can feel it in your kiss,
It is something I will miss..
What is love?What is love?
I just want it to be loved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omjjMhpFKJE

Well this song speaks on my behalf of what I'm feeling right now.

Jean

Update

I'm asked to update this stagnant swamp more frequently.

so...

heres the post for today.

POST

LOL
Jean

Changes

My fear for Changes is unavoidable.
Many things that can be changed, are practically changing by the second.
Resistence is of no use.

Sometimes when something has been around for a long time, you'll eventually get used to its presence.
Sometimes for some reason you'll loath the fact that it is there. But sometimes for another set of reasons, you'll appreciate its companionship, its existence.
Now when its gone, emptiness soon overwhelms the cold and hopeless heart.

Its not that I did not expect these changes to come. But even if I've anticipated it to happen, I still couldn't accept it or get over it.

Looking at the empty unit opposite mine, I can't help but to feel extremely melancholic, crestfallen, disconsolate, miserable, woebegone, wretched and whatnot.

I regretted everything that I've NOT done...

Goodbye...

JEAN

RASHES!!!

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Small red dots!!! SMALL RED DOTS!!!!

The Rashes Empire strikes back!!!

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

I should really stop scratching!!!!

Ambivalence

Its weird.

When I'm having my vacation, I felt like returning to college.
Because I think that at least when I'm in college I HAVE something to do and DEADLINES to meet.
Well, its not that I have nothing to do during the holidays. I have something to do. But they all never seemed to have a deadline. It seemed to me that, I can take forever to complete them.
I can't believe I'm saying this but, YES, NO PRESSURE = NO WORK DONE.

However, when college reopened last week, I longed for vacations. Because little did I expect that, it works the other way round too. It actually turns out to be: TOO MUCH PRESSURE = NO WORK DONE.

Ambivalence strikes again.

Hate that.
First post of 2010 and I'm ranting already. Sad life~

Miss Yeo commented that I looked really tired.
I mean yes, I AM VERY TIRED, and I can't believe that last week is only the first week of school. HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE TILL A LEVELS???!!!

Sad life~

PS: Amsterdam by Ian McEwan is such a nice book to read. I strongly recommand it. :D

JEAN