Please ring!
I implore you, just a ring!
Just a ring to soothe my longing heart!
Just a ring to tell me that you are here!
How can I ever emphasize that I need you so bad!
We are so close and yet so far!
Please ring!
Just a ring!
You wanted me to wait for you...
But two weeks seems like an eternity to me!
However I'll wait for you!
Please just don't keep me waiting... for too long!
Yes you've heard me
MAHORABA~ HEARTFUL DAYS' MANGA...
I've already placed my order!
You can never escape from my grasp!!!
YOU WILL BE MINE!!!!
Jean
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Entrapment
Have I not know how to love anymore?
Like a souless creature, not knowing how to feel.
Since when I've become so cold?
Like an ice mountain, unmovable, unbreakable.
I've lost my senses.
I've become emotionless.
Because I'm still in this entrapment, unable to break free.
Who can melt this icy heart?
Will you?
Jean
Like a souless creature, not knowing how to feel.
Since when I've become so cold?
Like an ice mountain, unmovable, unbreakable.
I've lost my senses.
I've become emotionless.
Because I'm still in this entrapment, unable to break free.
Who can melt this icy heart?
Will you?
Jean
Self-Reflexive
Self-Reflexive. Its something like "a song within a song", "a play about a play"... something like a self-conscious narrator. It's a technique that I love to adopt (whenever possible) when I'm writing a story/ a poem or a song.
Self-Reflexive is one of my hobbies as well.
Constantly reflecting upon everything that I've done and not done.
Attempting to learn from every mistakes made, trying to absorb every possible knowledge from experiences... et cetera.
Reflect, reflected.
It's actually beneficial to constantly reflect upon ourselves.
Well undeniably it will make us a better person.
On a side note...
Sometimes little hints of success may turn out to be a false hope.
Nevertheless, since I don't expect much out of this, I'm not entirely disenchanted or embittered about it.
Sigh~
Sun rise and set...
I've been through so much, I don't want to lose them.
I'm burnt out, jaded, bedraggled, definitely.
But at the same time I know I've matured, mellowed.
To think I'll give up ehz?
Nope I won't.
Motivated?
Not yet. But I'll try.
I'm finally able to make some sense out of all of these tormenting and chagrining stress/pressure.
Like it or not, I shall move on.
Move on, Moving on, Moved on.
So I'll progress, progressed. Improve, Improved.
Jean
Self-Reflexive is one of my hobbies as well.
Constantly reflecting upon everything that I've done and not done.
Attempting to learn from every mistakes made, trying to absorb every possible knowledge from experiences... et cetera.
Reflect, reflected.
It's actually beneficial to constantly reflect upon ourselves.
Well undeniably it will make us a better person.
On a side note...
Sometimes little hints of success may turn out to be a false hope.
Nevertheless, since I don't expect much out of this, I'm not entirely disenchanted or embittered about it.
Sigh~
Sun rise and set...
I've been through so much, I don't want to lose them.
I'm burnt out, jaded, bedraggled, definitely.
But at the same time I know I've matured, mellowed.
To think I'll give up ehz?
Nope I won't.
Motivated?
Not yet. But I'll try.
I'm finally able to make some sense out of all of these tormenting and chagrining stress/pressure.
Like it or not, I shall move on.
Move on, Moving on, Moved on.
So I'll progress, progressed. Improve, Improved.
Jean
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Cogitate
Last post ended rather abruptly.
Nevertheless, I shall not give it another ending because since I was interrupted, I've lost the inspiration to continue that entry.
Like I've mentioned earlier...
Try not to be too alone when you are alone.
Don't even give your thoughts and imaginations a chance to have control and take over your mind, or else you'll tend to lose it eventually.
Last few weeks were difficult for me. I was attempting to make responsible choices; busy reflecting/ changing; trying to find out who I am , where am I and/or what I want; cogitating as well as figuring out where and what to go for after A levels; questioning and mulling over the genuineness of my passion towards what I love; blah and whatnot.
In short, I've underwent another one of my waves of personal crisis... and I blame it all on my cognitive dissonances and the lack of understanding of myself.
All these cogitations, albeit arduous and burdensome, it was undeniably helpful (in one way or another) in assisting me to find out who/what I really am/want. Of course, at the end of the day, I guess they did helped me to work out of my cognitive dissonances and my struggles.
I guess everyone needs some reflective time, at some point in time or another, to chill off and to think about, or even plan out the different routes to take, for every different upcoming phases of life.
If not, perhaps you could just stop at this very moment or even for a few seconds/ moments to ponder about the very next path to take, and continue your journey from there.
For all you know, your choice of paths might be the key to a better change in your life.
Afterall, its all about choices and decisions isn't it?
Jean
Nevertheless, I shall not give it another ending because since I was interrupted, I've lost the inspiration to continue that entry.
Like I've mentioned earlier...
Try not to be too alone when you are alone.
Don't even give your thoughts and imaginations a chance to have control and take over your mind, or else you'll tend to lose it eventually.
Last few weeks were difficult for me. I was attempting to make responsible choices; busy reflecting/ changing; trying to find out who I am , where am I and/or what I want; cogitating as well as figuring out where and what to go for after A levels; questioning and mulling over the genuineness of my passion towards what I love; blah and whatnot.
In short, I've underwent another one of my waves of personal crisis... and I blame it all on my cognitive dissonances and the lack of understanding of myself.
All these cogitations, albeit arduous and burdensome, it was undeniably helpful (in one way or another) in assisting me to find out who/what I really am/want. Of course, at the end of the day, I guess they did helped me to work out of my cognitive dissonances and my struggles.
I guess everyone needs some reflective time, at some point in time or another, to chill off and to think about, or even plan out the different routes to take, for every different upcoming phases of life.
If not, perhaps you could just stop at this very moment or even for a few seconds/ moments to ponder about the very next path to take, and continue your journey from there.
For all you know, your choice of paths might be the key to a better change in your life.
Afterall, its all about choices and decisions isn't it?
Jean
Monday, July 5, 2010
"It's ok to fail"???
Ya know... after tonight, it would be the ultimate hell for me.
I'm going through a mixed of feelings here... I fear, I'm vexed, but at the same time I know I totally deserve it - I don't pity myself.
How long do I have to run in order to finish the race? Why does it seems like no matter how much and how long I've ran, I'm still no where near the finishing line? Is tomorrow the last lap? When is the last lap? Quick... I need to end this soon, I'm out of stamina... how many times do I have to repeat myself, that I'm out of breath, that I'm too tired to run?
Uncertainties.
Expectations, expectations... nothing but burdens and heavy loads. It seems so easy to say that: "I'm only answerable to myself for my own decisions..." But who on earth doesn't know that, thats nothing but a stupid lie?
How I wish someone could tell me "It's ok to fail..."
But you know...
haha... I guess its impossible.
Jean
I'm going through a mixed of feelings here... I fear, I'm vexed, but at the same time I know I totally deserve it - I don't pity myself.
How long do I have to run in order to finish the race? Why does it seems like no matter how much and how long I've ran, I'm still no where near the finishing line? Is tomorrow the last lap? When is the last lap? Quick... I need to end this soon, I'm out of stamina... how many times do I have to repeat myself, that I'm out of breath, that I'm too tired to run?
Uncertainties.
Expectations, expectations... nothing but burdens and heavy loads. It seems so easy to say that: "I'm only answerable to myself for my own decisions..." But who on earth doesn't know that, thats nothing but a stupid lie?
How I wish someone could tell me "It's ok to fail..."
But you know...
haha... I guess its impossible.
Jean
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Someday
Looking at how people succeed in doing the things I wanna do so badly... one half of me feels happy for them, while the other half is filled with pure jealousy... ok, put it in a nicer way, envious of them.
My belief of "I will get there someday" is slowly depleting by the second.
Just like what Roy Miller (played by Tom Cruise) mentioned in the movie Knight and Day:
"Someday. That’s a dangerous word. It’s really just a code word for ‘never'."
(Or was it something similar but different? Sorry I can't remember, but anyway, I've made my point here.)
You know, until he mentioned it, I've always thought that my 'someday' will come.
Now that he said it, I guess he makes sense in one way or another.
My 'someday' could be 'never', my 'someday' might never come.
But another hopeful thing is, Roy Miller sort of, did get his 'someday' in the end. So I guess I should try to hold on to the belief that "I will get there someday"?
Is it a realistic fetch?
I don't know, you tell me.
Jean
My belief of "I will get there someday" is slowly depleting by the second.
Just like what Roy Miller (played by Tom Cruise) mentioned in the movie Knight and Day:
"Someday. That’s a dangerous word. It’s really just a code word for ‘never'."
(Or was it something similar but different? Sorry I can't remember, but anyway, I've made my point here.)
You know, until he mentioned it, I've always thought that my 'someday' will come.
Now that he said it, I guess he makes sense in one way or another.
My 'someday' could be 'never', my 'someday' might never come.
But another hopeful thing is, Roy Miller sort of, did get his 'someday' in the end. So I guess I should try to hold on to the belief that "I will get there someday"?
Is it a realistic fetch?
I don't know, you tell me.
Jean
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Decisions decisions...
Whichever or whatever decisions that I'm going to make, I'm only answerable to myself.
Yes. I won't regret it.
Jean
Yes. I won't regret it.
Jean
Friday, July 2, 2010
Movie. Ice Cream
Went out with Addie and Munirah today.
We caught Twilight - Eclipse as well as Knight and Day.
Nice movies, good shows. Watching Toy Story 3 next, heard that it was nice, just gotta catch it. :D
OK.
I think I'm mildly Enochlophobic - slight fear of crowd. The bus was overcrowding today, while I'm on my way home. I'm slightly uneasy about the crowd but, well I HAVE to get home by the bus, so I can only bear with the uneasiness I'm experiencing.
It wasn't the so much about crowd that was bugging me, it was the draggy bus journey and the lives of my ice creams.
Oh my god!!! My ice creams are dying (Melting)!!!! Drive faster!!! For crying out loud!
Here I am trying to save those poor ice creams from dying and there you are, driving slowly like a snail. OMG
Spare a thought for the ice creams ok?
We are talking about life and death matter here?! Your speed could kill an ice cream!!!
For crying out loud!!! Please respect their lives!!!
Ok, thats all for today :D
Jean
We caught Twilight - Eclipse as well as Knight and Day.
Nice movies, good shows. Watching Toy Story 3 next, heard that it was nice, just gotta catch it. :D
OK.
I think I'm mildly Enochlophobic - slight fear of crowd. The bus was overcrowding today, while I'm on my way home. I'm slightly uneasy about the crowd but, well I HAVE to get home by the bus, so I can only bear with the uneasiness I'm experiencing.
It wasn't the so much about crowd that was bugging me, it was the draggy bus journey and the lives of my ice creams.
Oh my god!!! My ice creams are dying (Melting)!!!! Drive faster!!! For crying out loud!
Here I am trying to save those poor ice creams from dying and there you are, driving slowly like a snail. OMG
Spare a thought for the ice creams ok?
We are talking about life and death matter here?! Your speed could kill an ice cream!!!
For crying out loud!!! Please respect their lives!!!
Ok, thats all for today :D
Jean
Thursday, July 1, 2010
How apt right?
Accidentally stumbled upon this cute picture while surfing the net.
It aptly describes me.
It aptly describes me.
How true :D
Disclaimer: I do not own this picture, it's for the sake of pure entertainment. :D
Jean
Over and Done with
I'm feeling rather ambivalent now.
One half of me is feeling pretty relief. Simply because the exams are over. I can finally take a break from all the mugging.
The other half of me is fretting about the consequences of my poor results: The-god-knows-how-many-days of night-study-programme; the yet again long school hours; where to slot my piano lessons?; the piling tutorials; the lack of time to study; the nagging; the reprimanding; the stress; the lack of stamina and energy to continue; anxieties, blah and whatnot.
Frankly speaking, I'm not at my best state.
I'm so tired.
I emphasize again that I'm lost.
Sometimes I just feel like shutting myself from the world and cry - so no one will see my pathetic state. But, the problem is, I think I've become such a souless person and that it has made me emotion-less as well.
I can't cry.
No matter how bad I'm feeling, even if I want to cry, I can't seem to do it.
I can't cry.
Something is wrong with me.
Something is bugging inside me.
Music, my temporary pain killer. They do relief my pain. When I'm down I'll turn to music for comfort.
However even when I'm enjoying them, theres always this split-second in which its always there to remind me of the reality, my pain.
Whoever can I pour my woes to?
No one.
I know its difficult for them to truly understand my situation.
I was motivated. Now, demoralized.
Everything seems so meaningless now.
I can't wait to get A levels over and done with, so I can concentrate on my music.
Going to University was never part of the plan.
To torture myself so badly in order to perform well for an exam was never part of the plan as well.
The plan was ACCA.
The plan was to lead 2 carefree years after the O levels.
The plan was to concentrate on music.
Since when someone altered my plans?
Since when I altered my plans?
I'm losing the stamina to run this rat race.
I don't know if its too early to conclude, but really, up to this point in life, I've never felt so fatigue and bad.
I knew I didn't live for these.
I knew I deserves better.
Despite all these rants and ventings. I still have to continue.
Its meaningless.
Ps: New song updated: Maburaho's Koi No mahou by Koda Kumi
Jean
One half of me is feeling pretty relief. Simply because the exams are over. I can finally take a break from all the mugging.
The other half of me is fretting about the consequences of my poor results: The-god-knows-how-many-days of night-study-programme; the yet again long school hours; where to slot my piano lessons?; the piling tutorials; the lack of time to study; the nagging; the reprimanding; the stress; the lack of stamina and energy to continue; anxieties, blah and whatnot.
Frankly speaking, I'm not at my best state.
I'm so tired.
I emphasize again that I'm lost.
Sometimes I just feel like shutting myself from the world and cry - so no one will see my pathetic state. But, the problem is, I think I've become such a souless person and that it has made me emotion-less as well.
I can't cry.
No matter how bad I'm feeling, even if I want to cry, I can't seem to do it.
I can't cry.
Something is wrong with me.
Something is bugging inside me.
Music, my temporary pain killer. They do relief my pain. When I'm down I'll turn to music for comfort.
However even when I'm enjoying them, theres always this split-second in which its always there to remind me of the reality, my pain.
Whoever can I pour my woes to?
No one.
I know its difficult for them to truly understand my situation.
I was motivated. Now, demoralized.
Everything seems so meaningless now.
I can't wait to get A levels over and done with, so I can concentrate on my music.
Going to University was never part of the plan.
To torture myself so badly in order to perform well for an exam was never part of the plan as well.
The plan was ACCA.
The plan was to lead 2 carefree years after the O levels.
The plan was to concentrate on music.
Since when someone altered my plans?
Since when I altered my plans?
I'm losing the stamina to run this rat race.
I don't know if its too early to conclude, but really, up to this point in life, I've never felt so fatigue and bad.
I knew I didn't live for these.
I knew I deserves better.
Despite all these rants and ventings. I still have to continue.
Its meaningless.
Ps: New song updated: Maburaho's Koi No mahou by Koda Kumi
Jean