Monday, August 9, 2010

Fighting alone. A Lonely fight

It is saddening to know that no one believes in my capability to do well.

Failing the expectations people have of me.
Knowing that I've disappoint so many people.
It is definitely not the best morale booster I'm looking for.

(Well, at least when I was working hard for O levels, I had Miss Soh and Mdm Yeo around, to believe that I would do well.)

Now, I'm all alone to console and fend for myself.
Fighting alone. A lonely fight.

Though I've mentioned that emotionally, I've gone far to low - so low to the extent that I couldn't go any lower - I realised that I'm not progressing up either.

Felt ignored, neglected.
The only way to feel better is to laugh everything off.
Pretend to be nonchalant. Aloof. Indifferent.
Pretending that I don't care, I don't mind.

Who else can I blame besides myself?

I haven't been proving myself anyway.

Anxieties. Doubts.

How can I survive through this ordeal?
Or should I ask...
Am I able to survive through this ordeal?

Fighting alone. A lonely fight.
Jean