I didn't want my first post of the year to be a depressing one, haha, so the previous post is purely there to liven things up abit.
Seriously, I keep feeling that theres a rainy cloud following me everywhere, glooming over my head.
I'm frustrated and I HATE it when people break their promises, patronizing me when they are not serious about what I'm saying. I'm irritated with myself for being impulsive. Why am I always the one who give in? I'm angry with myself for not being able to plan and end up losing my way. I don't like it when they are not there to guide me. I'm nineteen but I'm independent. I want to tell them I've grown and I know what to do, but I'm angry at myself for lying so. I feel burdened. I feel neglected. I feel lonely. But what can I expect from them? I can't always make them worry. I want to tell them I still need them, but it seems like I can no longer depend on them anymore. I'm lost, I don't know what to do... who can I turn to and give me some real answers to my problems?
On top of these, I'm still struggling to decided if I should buy myself an electric guitar. Is it out of impulsion? or passion? I wanna test myself, but...
It seems meaningless now. Apologies seems so cliche, does it still mean what it meant? Thats why sometimes I'm so reluctant to apologise, because it never seems enough to redeem myself. I'm sick of it.
Why is it so tiring?
Will all these ever be resolved?
Jean