OK... I just realised...
Its a Bad Choice to sing (for me, scream) Miley Cyrus' The Climb in the middle of the night, especially when its a quarter to 12, midnight.
Yes I screamed, not sing, the song because I have issues with my vocal cords and my singing range. Out of anger, Yes I literally screamed the song out.
My ungrateful neighbour, whom doesn't appreciates the wonderful and soothing music that I'd provided them with, came knocking at my door and demand me to shut up.
Hey! C'mon! you will need to pay me an astronomical amount if you want me to sing to you in the future. Now you get to listen to it for free, you should be laughing to yourself!
Ingrates!
Jean
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Random thoughts
Pondering over outlook of my life has become a daily routine.
OH! The mundaneness of my "Vivace" repertoire.
Now: Eat, Study, Sleep.
Future: Eat, Work, Sleep.
Neat ehz?
I'm thinking, maybe being the last one to know the truth ain't a bad thing afterall. Haven't you heard of "ignorant is bliss!"? Well at least I lead more happy days than you! I seriously sympathize with you from the deepest of my heart... "Oh... you sad sad soul..." :(
Still have "Malaguena" and "Yesterday once more" to practice... But I'm so tired! (*pout) Can I finish it another day? --- NO.
The black and white wallpaper on my phone is artistic but depressing, I should change it soon.
I'm very upset with myself for cutting my nails. I seriously think that I have nothing better to do. I mean, who on earth, in the right mind, will cut your nails 3 weeks before your guitar concert?! --- ME.
I hope my singing range could expand a little, so I could sing high and low. I wanted to sing True Light so badly.
I'm wasting my time...
I'm wasting my time...
Seriously... I'm wasting my time...
PEOPLE! PLEASE COME FOR TPGE'S VIVACE! IT IS GOING TO BE A NIGHT THAT YOU WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER FORGET!!!
Love
Jean
OH! The mundaneness of my "Vivace" repertoire.
Now: Eat, Study, Sleep.
Future: Eat, Work, Sleep.
Neat ehz?
I'm thinking, maybe being the last one to know the truth ain't a bad thing afterall. Haven't you heard of "ignorant is bliss!"? Well at least I lead more happy days than you! I seriously sympathize with you from the deepest of my heart... "Oh... you sad sad soul..." :(
Still have "Malaguena" and "Yesterday once more" to practice... But I'm so tired! (*pout) Can I finish it another day? --- NO.
The black and white wallpaper on my phone is artistic but depressing, I should change it soon.
I'm very upset with myself for cutting my nails. I seriously think that I have nothing better to do. I mean, who on earth, in the right mind, will cut your nails 3 weeks before your guitar concert?! --- ME.
I hope my singing range could expand a little, so I could sing high and low. I wanted to sing True Light so badly.
I'm wasting my time...
I'm wasting my time...
Seriously... I'm wasting my time...
PEOPLE! PLEASE COME FOR TPGE'S VIVACE! IT IS GOING TO BE A NIGHT THAT YOU WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER FORGET!!!
Love
Jean
Monday, April 26, 2010
Rant it
I am so exhausted.
I have no idea how many times I have whined about being tired and exhausted this year, and I'm pretty sure that this is not going to be the last.
My head is groggy, and theres this "pre-feeling" that my gastric is going to act up again, so I'm not feeling very well and comfortable today.
After Saturday's jamming, I think I strained my throat. Used the wrong way to sing again.
OK, all these aside.
I have no idea how many times I have whined about being tired and exhausted this year, and I'm pretty sure that this is not going to be the last.
My head is groggy, and theres this "pre-feeling" that my gastric is going to act up again, so I'm not feeling very well and comfortable today.
After Saturday's jamming, I think I strained my throat. Used the wrong way to sing again.
OK, all these aside.
Have you ever tried staring blankly into the sky, and allows your mind to go anywhere it wants? You would be surprised at your ability to day dream. How wonderful would it be if life is just simply a dream (not nightmare), where nothing unpleasant exist?
... ... ...
Hmmm.... too much cartoons and sci-fi-s are definitely not helping.
I had enough of being deceived. Why am I always the last one to know the truth?
Ps: I love birthdays. Happy Birthday Yee En! and Happy Birthday in advance, Shanen! :D
Jean
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Change
Please don't be surprise that I'm no longer the quiet and gullible Jean.
Well, after so many years, people are bound to change. I'm no exception.
I'm more critical, more sharp, more judgemental than ever, more decisive, more assertive now. I no longer just accept anything that was provided for. I choose. I decide.
Jean
Well, after so many years, people are bound to change. I'm no exception.
I'm more critical, more sharp, more judgemental than ever, more decisive, more assertive now. I no longer just accept anything that was provided for. I choose. I decide.
Jean
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Hectic
I've got alot of things to do now.....
So you think I'm going to whine about how boring and taxing all these things are?
Sorry you are like.. SO WRONG?
I'm the HAPPIEST GIRL ON EARTH!!!
Nope, I'm not insane (yet. [I'm expecting it to happen soon. But not now.])
Nothing beats working and tiring yourselves out for the things you like to do. Its an enjoyable experience to fret for the things you love to do.
I think you know what I mean.... Its a bliss to be able to do the things you love.
Went jamming with Six Harmonix today. Just to rehearse ourselves with the songs we are playing for VIVACE! We are SO GOOD!!!
OK~ start sourcing for new songs to play.:D
To me, Performing Etiquette is an important factor to a successful concert. My definition of Performing Etiquette:
1) Players DO NOT laugh, speak, talk and discuss when something went wrong, for either the actual performance or the rehearsals.
2) NO PLAYERS should stop at any point of the song unless required or the conductor said so.
3) All players should always be ready/ be on standby position to start playing.
Of course the list goes on... But these are the top 3 on my list.
In other word, Discipline.
I'm not pin-pointing at anyone. Just a thought.
Jean
So you think I'm going to whine about how boring and taxing all these things are?
Sorry you are like.. SO WRONG?
I'm the HAPPIEST GIRL ON EARTH!!!
Nope, I'm not insane (yet. [I'm expecting it to happen soon. But not now.])
Nothing beats working and tiring yourselves out for the things you like to do. Its an enjoyable experience to fret for the things you love to do.
I think you know what I mean.... Its a bliss to be able to do the things you love.
Went jamming with Six Harmonix today. Just to rehearse ourselves with the songs we are playing for VIVACE! We are SO GOOD!!!
OK~ start sourcing for new songs to play.:D
To me, Performing Etiquette is an important factor to a successful concert. My definition of Performing Etiquette:
1) Players DO NOT laugh, speak, talk and discuss when something went wrong, for either the actual performance or the rehearsals.
2) NO PLAYERS should stop at any point of the song unless required or the conductor said so.
3) All players should always be ready/ be on standby position to start playing.
Of course the list goes on... But these are the top 3 on my list.
In other word, Discipline.
I'm not pin-pointing at anyone. Just a thought.
Jean
Break
My ears just don't get the breaks that they deserve.
People are just so fond of nagging at me, asking me to make a choice between Studies and CCA. I mean what is there to choose from? Both are equally important!
For the last time, NO ONE is going to make me give up on anything.
I will not walk out on my CCA, my Six Harmonix, my studies, my piano, my passion for drawing, my duties, my responsibilities and my interests anymore. No, not this time.
SO, STOP ASKING ME TO CHOOSE! You are not helping to sort out my thoughts, but you are making me more miserable by the second.
Give me a break. I BEG YOU.
Jean
People are just so fond of nagging at me, asking me to make a choice between Studies and CCA. I mean what is there to choose from? Both are equally important!
For the last time, NO ONE is going to make me give up on anything.
I will not walk out on my CCA, my Six Harmonix, my studies, my piano, my passion for drawing, my duties, my responsibilities and my interests anymore. No, not this time.
SO, STOP ASKING ME TO CHOOSE! You are not helping to sort out my thoughts, but you are making me more miserable by the second.
Give me a break. I BEG YOU.
Jean
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Annoyance
My neighbour's shoes stinks to high heaven.
It is definitely not the kind of smell that you would want to be greeted with, upon reaching home after a long and tiring day.
And their shoes, piles up like a hill; all over the place; Can't they just put it nicely?
Believe me, after a long and tiring day, it is extremely annoying when you have to trip over, not one but several pairs of shoes, that belongs to your wonderful neighbour. :D
Sorry, but, I've been suppressing this sense of annoyance for a long time.
I mean c'mon, the corridor ain't yours, if you want to extend your use of the corridor, because your house is too small for your collection of your stinky shoes, at least have the courtesy to arrange them nicely.
Annoyed
Jean
It is definitely not the kind of smell that you would want to be greeted with, upon reaching home after a long and tiring day.
And their shoes, piles up like a hill; all over the place; Can't they just put it nicely?
Believe me, after a long and tiring day, it is extremely annoying when you have to trip over, not one but several pairs of shoes, that belongs to your wonderful neighbour. :D
Sorry, but, I've been suppressing this sense of annoyance for a long time.
I mean c'mon, the corridor ain't yours, if you want to extend your use of the corridor, because your house is too small for your collection of your stinky shoes, at least have the courtesy to arrange them nicely.
Annoyed
Jean
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Found it
Have you ever felt that you have found something that you cherished so much/ love it so much that you will always looked forward to it, in life?
I've found it.
Well, I can't say that its absolutely for life, but at least for the near future.
It had occured to me that, one never treasures what has always been there for them. Its only when, they realised that they can no longer hold on to them, they started to regret that they've took the "whatever", for granted.
I'm no exception.
I'm very ambivalent, when nearer to VIVACE!. One part of me, is looking very forward to VIVACE!, but the other side of me, is reluctant to move on with time. Because, once VIVACE! is over, I'll have to leave TPGE.
I WAS very whiney about attending practice sessions at first. Well, no excuse, because I'm just lazy.
But after we have been through so much together as a team, as an ensemble, when it had dawned upon me that: "hey! we are stepping down in a months' time!" I wasn't feeling very comfortable.
Sometimes, people just refuse to learn from their mistakes.
I'm no exception.
I'm well aware that everyone should cherish what they have before it too late, but most of the time, I just stubbornly refuse to act upon it.
But theres no point being whiney about this, its not going to change the fact.
All I can do now is to just cherish what I'm left with, and in the near future, hopefully I could end the whole experience pleasantly, with wonderful memories of it.
I hope its not too late, to realise that: "Hey I found it, I've found TPGE!"
Jean
I've found it.
Well, I can't say that its absolutely for life, but at least for the near future.
It had occured to me that, one never treasures what has always been there for them. Its only when, they realised that they can no longer hold on to them, they started to regret that they've took the "whatever", for granted.
I'm no exception.
I'm very ambivalent, when nearer to VIVACE!. One part of me, is looking very forward to VIVACE!, but the other side of me, is reluctant to move on with time. Because, once VIVACE! is over, I'll have to leave TPGE.
I WAS very whiney about attending practice sessions at first. Well, no excuse, because I'm just lazy.
But after we have been through so much together as a team, as an ensemble, when it had dawned upon me that: "hey! we are stepping down in a months' time!" I wasn't feeling very comfortable.
Sometimes, people just refuse to learn from their mistakes.
I'm no exception.
I'm well aware that everyone should cherish what they have before it too late, but most of the time, I just stubbornly refuse to act upon it.
But theres no point being whiney about this, its not going to change the fact.
All I can do now is to just cherish what I'm left with, and in the near future, hopefully I could end the whole experience pleasantly, with wonderful memories of it.
I hope its not too late, to realise that: "Hey I found it, I've found TPGE!"
Jean
Get A Life
OK, a few things...
Firstly, "Excuse me missy, I'm fine with just one bottle of milk tea, you don't have to coerce me into buying two, just because theres discount for two bottles. SO WHAT IF I INSIST ON JUST BUYING ONE BOTTLE?! DOES THAT BOTHER YOU SO MUCH?! I CAN ONLY GLUP DOWN A BOTTLE? DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?! GET A LIFE!"
*Ahem
Secondly :D, stop telling me how I've wasted my March holidays, because I KNOW I DIDN'T! Well, TPGE won first place for the competition, which means the effort spent on practicing guitar has not gone down the drain, :D well thats an achievement as well. (For those who thinks that achievements are only limited to academic performances, no offence, but I think you can shut this window now, because we don't think alike and I don't want to 'pollute' your mind. :D)
Thirdly, I just can't stand some imbeciles, who like to argue for the sake of arguing, even if their theories are ABSOLUTELY wrong; wasting my precious life and time; I mean seriously, does irritating people makes you so happy?
I'M EXTREMELY IRRITATED
Jean
Firstly, "Excuse me missy, I'm fine with just one bottle of milk tea, you don't have to coerce me into buying two, just because theres discount for two bottles. SO WHAT IF I INSIST ON JUST BUYING ONE BOTTLE?! DOES THAT BOTHER YOU SO MUCH?! I CAN ONLY GLUP DOWN A BOTTLE? DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?! GET A LIFE!"
*Ahem
Secondly :D, stop telling me how I've wasted my March holidays, because I KNOW I DIDN'T! Well, TPGE won first place for the competition, which means the effort spent on practicing guitar has not gone down the drain, :D well thats an achievement as well. (For those who thinks that achievements are only limited to academic performances, no offence, but I think you can shut this window now, because we don't think alike and I don't want to 'pollute' your mind. :D)
Thirdly, I just can't stand some imbeciles, who like to argue for the sake of arguing, even if their theories are ABSOLUTELY wrong; wasting my precious life and time; I mean seriously, does irritating people makes you so happy?
I'M EXTREMELY IRRITATED
Jean
Monday, April 19, 2010
RANDOM UPDATES
2 to 3 months ago, I manually repeated Sleepers Awake 50 times.
Today, I think I'm going to break that record, but this time, its Lotus Eaters. :D
Practicing Tango Potpourri, still got one and a half pages more to go (I'm only left with those complicated sections. :P)
Ehz... to side track a little....
"GIVE US BACK OUR MONEY!!! OR WE WILL REBEL!!!"
They really should have told me that my "Scop-ies" were postponed earlier. I left all my homework, which is due tmr, undone. NOW I'LL HAVE TO RUSH AND COMPLETE THEM!!!
Night Study starts tomorrow =(.
OOH! I better finish my work, so I can catch FLASH FORWARD.
ADIOS!!!
JEAN
Today, I think I'm going to break that record, but this time, its Lotus Eaters. :D
Practicing Tango Potpourri, still got one and a half pages more to go (I'm only left with those complicated sections. :P)
Ehz... to side track a little....
"GIVE US BACK OUR MONEY!!! OR WE WILL REBEL!!!"
They really should have told me that my "Scop-ies" were postponed earlier. I left all my homework, which is due tmr, undone. NOW I'LL HAVE TO RUSH AND COMPLETE THEM!!!
Night Study starts tomorrow =(.
OOH! I better finish my work, so I can catch FLASH FORWARD.
ADIOS!!!
JEAN
Postponed :D
HEHE.
The "scop-ies" are being postponed to 11 MAY 2010!
HAHA!!!
The Doctor ain't free. Well, at least I'm freed!! ... For the time being. :D
Phew~ Make me worry for nothing.
HAHA
CIAO!
Jean
The "scop-ies" are being postponed to 11 MAY 2010!
HAHA!!!
The Doctor ain't free. Well, at least I'm freed!! ... For the time being. :D
Phew~ Make me worry for nothing.
HAHA
CIAO!
Jean
Sunday, April 18, 2010
3 Songs
Its official.
Sleepers Awake by J.S. Bach
Summer Breeze by Jiro Hasebe
and Gavotte by G.F. Handel
are now the top 3 songs on my playlist. In other words, they are my favourite songs. :D
But... I really don't want to hear them anymore.
Lol. I'm contradicting myself, ain't I?
Erm.. at least for now.
I love them! But after... 4 months (approx) of continuous playing of these 3 songs, even if I'm not sick of them, my ears are.
I just realised that: No Sleepers Awake for VIVACE! (Sad-ness~)
So... My dear audiences, if you were there at Victoria Concert Hall, for our 4th Annual Guitar Ensemble Competition yesterday, you are one of the lucky bunch!
You have heard TPGE playing Sleepers Awake for the LAST TIME!!!
PLEASE FEEL HAPPY!!! TREASURE THAT EXPERIENCE PEOPLE!!!!
Well, in the future, you will have to pay an astronomical amount for us to play Sleepers Awake for you :D HEHE. (Just Kidding)
Anyway, TPGE will be performing Summer Breeze and Gavotte for VIVACE! so, if you missed us yesterday, no worries! Come for our concert: VIVACE! on the 22nd May 2010 @ TPJC's Auditorium!!! Ticket priced at $6.00!!! BE THERE OR YOU WILL REGRET!!!
OK~ I'm digressing...
HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!!! :D
JEAN
Sleepers Awake by J.S. Bach
Summer Breeze by Jiro Hasebe
and Gavotte by G.F. Handel
are now the top 3 songs on my playlist. In other words, they are my favourite songs. :D
But... I really don't want to hear them anymore.
Lol. I'm contradicting myself, ain't I?
Erm.. at least for now.
I love them! But after... 4 months (approx) of continuous playing of these 3 songs, even if I'm not sick of them, my ears are.
I just realised that: No Sleepers Awake for VIVACE! (Sad-ness~)
So... My dear audiences, if you were there at Victoria Concert Hall, for our 4th Annual Guitar Ensemble Competition yesterday, you are one of the lucky bunch!
You have heard TPGE playing Sleepers Awake for the LAST TIME!!!
PLEASE FEEL HAPPY!!! TREASURE THAT EXPERIENCE PEOPLE!!!!
Well, in the future, you will have to pay an astronomical amount for us to play Sleepers Awake for you :D HEHE. (Just Kidding)
Anyway, TPGE will be performing Summer Breeze and Gavotte for VIVACE! so, if you missed us yesterday, no worries! Come for our concert: VIVACE! on the 22nd May 2010 @ TPJC's Auditorium!!! Ticket priced at $6.00!!! BE THERE OR YOU WILL REGRET!!!
OK~ I'm digressing...
HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!!! :D
JEAN
Now What?
One shouldn't be too exhilarated over something.
Because what comes after the climax curve, is a downward slope.
After all the madness yesterday, this morning when I woke up, though still feeling happy (I couldn't stop laughing), I asked myself:
"So... Now What???"
I was hoping for an ensemble event or outing or something. I kept on checking mails from tpjc.net or the TPGE blog for updates on our guitar practices. But... all was of no avail.
I missed the days when everyone was in that guitar room, trying hard, working hard together to strive for a perfect the sound for the ensemble and whatnot.
I know, its not like we are not going to do it again, we still have college day, and VIVACE! to go, but I want them to HAPPEN NOW!!!! LIKE NOW???!!!
The emptiness is frustrating.
I'm staring at my econs homework, but I'm thinking of TPGE.
Thats why I say, I shouldn't be too excited over something. Because the after-effect of it, would be a blackhole of emptiness.
So.... NOW WHAT???!!!
Jean
Because what comes after the climax curve, is a downward slope.
After all the madness yesterday, this morning when I woke up, though still feeling happy (I couldn't stop laughing), I asked myself:
"So... Now What???"
I was hoping for an ensemble event or outing or something. I kept on checking mails from tpjc.net or the TPGE blog for updates on our guitar practices. But... all was of no avail.
I missed the days when everyone was in that guitar room, trying hard, working hard together to strive for a perfect the sound for the ensemble and whatnot.
I know, its not like we are not going to do it again, we still have college day, and VIVACE! to go, but I want them to HAPPEN NOW!!!! LIKE NOW???!!!
The emptiness is frustrating.
I'm staring at my econs homework, but I'm thinking of TPGE.
Thats why I say, I shouldn't be too excited over something. Because the after-effect of it, would be a blackhole of emptiness.
So.... NOW WHAT???!!!
Jean
That Winning Edge
"First position, for the first time.... TAMPINES JUNIOR COLLEGE!!!!"
The entire VCH was roaring with cheers and filled with applause.
Tampines Junior College's Guitar Ensemble, won, FIRST PLACE in the 4th Annual Guitar Ensemble Competition.
Our eyes were filled with tears of happiness. We screamed til we lost our voice, we cheered non stop, we laughed, we cried. It was a touching moment because, everything paid off.
It set me thinking...
What made the whole thing so touching, and worth remembering was because many of us started without having a background of playing guitar. In other words, WE STARTED FROM SCRATCH. And now.... WE WON FIRST PLACE!!!
You would sense more satisfaction when you are winning as a group, a whole, an ensemble, as compared to a solo win. Because, your peers that had been through all thicks and thins with you could understand and share your joy.
You would feel more belonged to the ensemble, because each and everyone in the ensemble contributed to the success. When the ensemble won, you win too.
Its an amazing experience that I've never been through for a long time.
Trust me, its priceless. It would make you feel like pawning all of your assets just to exchange for that moment of happiness, excitement and satisfaction. Yes its that amazing.
To all readers who are a member of TPGE, I would like to say that: "TPGE!!! WE had proved everyone, that had looked down on us wrong. BEAR IN MIND THAT WE ARE GOOD!! WE ARE AN AWESOME BUNCH!!! WE ARE NOTHING BUT THE BEST!!! WE WON!!! WE DID IT!!!"
A few weeks ago, Mr Choo asked us to find our winning edge that could cut us above the rest. Frankly speaking, all along, I couldn't find them.
But... now, I found them.
Our Winning Edge: Plain hardwork, perserverence and... well, our love for music.
TPGE ROCKS!!! TO THE MAX!!!
JEAN
The entire VCH was roaring with cheers and filled with applause.
Tampines Junior College's Guitar Ensemble, won, FIRST PLACE in the 4th Annual Guitar Ensemble Competition.
Our eyes were filled with tears of happiness. We screamed til we lost our voice, we cheered non stop, we laughed, we cried. It was a touching moment because, everything paid off.
It set me thinking...
What made the whole thing so touching, and worth remembering was because many of us started without having a background of playing guitar. In other words, WE STARTED FROM SCRATCH. And now.... WE WON FIRST PLACE!!!
You would sense more satisfaction when you are winning as a group, a whole, an ensemble, as compared to a solo win. Because, your peers that had been through all thicks and thins with you could understand and share your joy.
You would feel more belonged to the ensemble, because each and everyone in the ensemble contributed to the success. When the ensemble won, you win too.
Its an amazing experience that I've never been through for a long time.
Trust me, its priceless. It would make you feel like pawning all of your assets just to exchange for that moment of happiness, excitement and satisfaction. Yes its that amazing.
To all readers who are a member of TPGE, I would like to say that: "TPGE!!! WE had proved everyone, that had looked down on us wrong. BEAR IN MIND THAT WE ARE GOOD!! WE ARE AN AWESOME BUNCH!!! WE ARE NOTHING BUT THE BEST!!! WE WON!!! WE DID IT!!!"
A few weeks ago, Mr Choo asked us to find our winning edge that could cut us above the rest. Frankly speaking, all along, I couldn't find them.
But... now, I found them.
Our Winning Edge: Plain hardwork, perserverence and... well, our love for music.
TPGE ROCKS!!! TO THE MAX!!!
JEAN
Friday, April 16, 2010
Confused
My thoughts are running all over the place, I'm very confused.
I'm beginning to doubt my passion and love for music. I'm beginning to question my qualification to love music. I'm beginning to denouce all of my theories of "living happily without regrets.", I'm very upset and frustrated with myself.
I hate to run away from problems.
But when my mind has reached a state of becoming too chaotic, I refused to face them.
Yes, I'm living in self-denial. Yes, I'm an escapist.
Probably being delusional isn't so bad afterall. At least I'm happier that way.
However, I'm fully aware of the state and situation I'm in, so I can't be classified as being delusional anymore, instead, I'm living in self-denial.
Can I just be ignorant to everything that is happening around me?
Can I just ignore all my problems and continue to be in denial?
Its easier and happier to live that way.
I'm lost. VERY LOST.
(Well, thats what I consider it to be 2nd degree Personal Crisis.)
I'm just staring blankly at the chess board with my tiny little stagnant chess pawns on it. I have no idea what will be my next move. Or am I just waiting for my opponent to make a move?
PS: Yes, the Gastroscopy and Colonoscopy is really bothering me. I'm very worried. I feel like just cancelling the whole thing, and pretend that theres nothing wrong with me. It's more than just freaking me out. I'm not looking forward to it at all.
Chaotic.
Jean
I'm beginning to doubt my passion and love for music. I'm beginning to question my qualification to love music. I'm beginning to denouce all of my theories of "living happily without regrets.", I'm very upset and frustrated with myself.
I hate to run away from problems.
But when my mind has reached a state of becoming too chaotic, I refused to face them.
Yes, I'm living in self-denial. Yes, I'm an escapist.
Probably being delusional isn't so bad afterall. At least I'm happier that way.
However, I'm fully aware of the state and situation I'm in, so I can't be classified as being delusional anymore, instead, I'm living in self-denial.
Can I just be ignorant to everything that is happening around me?
Can I just ignore all my problems and continue to be in denial?
Its easier and happier to live that way.
I'm lost. VERY LOST.
(Well, thats what I consider it to be 2nd degree Personal Crisis.)
I'm just staring blankly at the chess board with my tiny little stagnant chess pawns on it. I have no idea what will be my next move. Or am I just waiting for my opponent to make a move?
PS: Yes, the Gastroscopy and Colonoscopy is really bothering me. I'm very worried. I feel like just cancelling the whole thing, and pretend that theres nothing wrong with me. It's more than just freaking me out. I'm not looking forward to it at all.
Chaotic.
Jean
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Importance. Balance.
If you ask me, what is the most important thing (to me) in life, I'll answer you, (without having a second thought): "To live happily without regrets".
I've done quite alot of thinking lately, especially when I was asked to rank the 'most important' and the 'least important', between my studies, my interest to write and my music endeavor. I just had to justify why, the three of them are of equal importance.
Please, I appeal to all, not to convince me that my A levels should be my main priority now. Yes its important, BUT, to me, it isn't the MOST important.
"To live happily without regrets" does not only consist of good grades, good A level certificate, but also, to fulfil (if possible) all goals in life. (In my case, to pursue music and directing movie.)
If, I only focus solely on my A levels, I would forgo my chance of accomplishing my dreams, my passions and vice versa. I can't say that if I chose either-or, I won't lead a happy life, but, definitely with regrets. Hence, I seek and strive for a balance.
Giving either one of them up, has never been an option for me.
I adhere to what I believe. So, if any adults come to me and ask me to make a choice between my dreams and academic, I'll choose both. Although, I'm well aware that somethings in life, you will never get the best of both worlds. I don't see why I should give either one of them up when I haven't even tried to do my best for both.
Striking a balance has never been an easy task. Especially when there are unforeseen circumstances around you to distrupt your well organized plan.
Since my dreams and academic are both equally important to me, don't ask me to stop my music because I'm not performing well for my academic. Well, then, I must say, I haven't been performing well for my music too, so should I stop my academic for music?
I'm stubborn, and maybe to some, I'm impulsive and immature. BUT Its my life, its my choice. You cannot direct me what to do, or what not to do.
Just shut up.
Jean
I've done quite alot of thinking lately, especially when I was asked to rank the 'most important' and the 'least important', between my studies, my interest to write and my music endeavor. I just had to justify why, the three of them are of equal importance.
Please, I appeal to all, not to convince me that my A levels should be my main priority now. Yes its important, BUT, to me, it isn't the MOST important.
"To live happily without regrets" does not only consist of good grades, good A level certificate, but also, to fulfil (if possible) all goals in life. (In my case, to pursue music and directing movie.)
If, I only focus solely on my A levels, I would forgo my chance of accomplishing my dreams, my passions and vice versa. I can't say that if I chose either-or, I won't lead a happy life, but, definitely with regrets. Hence, I seek and strive for a balance.
Giving either one of them up, has never been an option for me.
I adhere to what I believe. So, if any adults come to me and ask me to make a choice between my dreams and academic, I'll choose both. Although, I'm well aware that somethings in life, you will never get the best of both worlds. I don't see why I should give either one of them up when I haven't even tried to do my best for both.
Striking a balance has never been an easy task. Especially when there are unforeseen circumstances around you to distrupt your well organized plan.
Since my dreams and academic are both equally important to me, don't ask me to stop my music because I'm not performing well for my academic. Well, then, I must say, I haven't been performing well for my music too, so should I stop my academic for music?
I'm stubborn, and maybe to some, I'm impulsive and immature. BUT Its my life, its my choice. You cannot direct me what to do, or what not to do.
Just shut up.
Jean
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Fatigue
"Is it me or is the room is spinning?"
Felt weak and groggy today.
I reckon that it must be those 3 tubes of blood taken away from me yesterday, that had caused this fatigueness. Well, as if I'm not Anemic enough, they just had to draw out 3 tubes, 3 TUBES of my blood!!!
So, I walked home with my eyes half closed, unaware of who is or who is not around me.
Sorry, I just can't help it, my eye-lids are super heavy today.
OK, I'm definitely not prepared to go for all the "scop-ies" next Tuesday. Just by thinking about the whole thing is already freaking me out. It is just plain frightening and nerve-wrecking. I think on the operation day itself, I'll run away and join the circus, so they will never find me. HAH! Thats it, I shall do that. :D
Digressing...
Brain-storming for my script's storyline. Can't wait to finish it and then eventually direct it into a movie. :D I know, I know, A LEVELS! and this is definitely not the time to do all these, but, if I don't do it now, I don't know when I'll accomplish it. I don't want to live til a 100 year old and suddenly realised that my ultimate goal/dream/aim (Whatever you call it) in life has yet to be fulfiled. That is just plain sad.
So no one is going to stop me, I'll start... like NOW?!
Oh on a side note, when it comes to directing shows, I haven't got any plans to direct something abstract/ artistic. I just want to start with something quite "mindless" but with themes and meanings. When one day I'm tired of being "mindless", I shall go for abstract. :D
Music.
I'm still stuck with my song. Its going no where.
So much for composing.
A LEVEL: plain absolute annoyance.
I hate to be restricted. Some times, the more you try to restrict me, you'll find, the harder it is to control me. I'll retaliate if I don't feel like conforming. :D
Unless you know how my temper operates, I strongly advise you to not mess with me.
OK, I shall go and gobble down all my food when I still have a chance to do so, before I start to consume something plain and tasteless on sunday to prepare for the "scop-ies" on Tuesday.
What a drag~
I guess its nothing to be afraid of, my whole family went through it, I'm just the last one to go through it. :P
Well, at least its a sort of comfort, better than freaking myself out everyday until the operation day right?
Ciao!
Jean
Felt weak and groggy today.
I reckon that it must be those 3 tubes of blood taken away from me yesterday, that had caused this fatigueness. Well, as if I'm not Anemic enough, they just had to draw out 3 tubes, 3 TUBES of my blood!!!
So, I walked home with my eyes half closed, unaware of who is or who is not around me.
Sorry, I just can't help it, my eye-lids are super heavy today.
OK, I'm definitely not prepared to go for all the "scop-ies" next Tuesday. Just by thinking about the whole thing is already freaking me out. It is just plain frightening and nerve-wrecking. I think on the operation day itself, I'll run away and join the circus, so they will never find me. HAH! Thats it, I shall do that. :D
Digressing...
Brain-storming for my script's storyline. Can't wait to finish it and then eventually direct it into a movie. :D I know, I know, A LEVELS! and this is definitely not the time to do all these, but, if I don't do it now, I don't know when I'll accomplish it. I don't want to live til a 100 year old and suddenly realised that my ultimate goal/dream/aim (Whatever you call it) in life has yet to be fulfiled. That is just plain sad.
So no one is going to stop me, I'll start... like NOW?!
Oh on a side note, when it comes to directing shows, I haven't got any plans to direct something abstract/ artistic. I just want to start with something quite "mindless" but with themes and meanings. When one day I'm tired of being "mindless", I shall go for abstract. :D
Music.
I'm still stuck with my song. Its going no where.
So much for composing.
A LEVEL: plain absolute annoyance.
I hate to be restricted. Some times, the more you try to restrict me, you'll find, the harder it is to control me. I'll retaliate if I don't feel like conforming. :D
Unless you know how my temper operates, I strongly advise you to not mess with me.
OK, I shall go and gobble down all my food when I still have a chance to do so, before I start to consume something plain and tasteless on sunday to prepare for the "scop-ies" on Tuesday.
What a drag~
I guess its nothing to be afraid of, my whole family went through it, I'm just the last one to go through it. :P
Well, at least its a sort of comfort, better than freaking myself out everyday until the operation day right?
Ciao!
Jean
Monday, April 12, 2010
A few things
OK, cramming a few things into this post. :D
Firstly, Little Bob Dog.
Yes, Little Bob Dog. I almost forget about this adorable creature.
Little Bob Dog was no stranger to me. In fact he was quite popular when I was young.
I used to own a few of Little Bob Dog's merchandises.
Don't ask me where the hell are they now, I have no idea. Well, I reckon that some things just doesn't last as long as you want them to, that includes my favourite toys.
Secondly, went to the hospital for medical appointment today.
They arranged me for Gastroscopy and also just for in case, Colonoscopy because of my family history. Don't make me go into the procedure of all of these scopes, because its just plain scary and disgusting.
Anyway, the mystery of my blood type is finally going to be revealed!!! They sent me for blood test!!! They drew out 3 tubes of my blood!!! OMG!!!
The waiting time was HORRIBLE. I spent my whole day there. :(
So tired.
Jean
Firstly, Little Bob Dog.
Yes, Little Bob Dog. I almost forget about this adorable creature.
Little Bob Dog was no stranger to me. In fact he was quite popular when I was young.
I used to own a few of Little Bob Dog's merchandises.
Don't ask me where the hell are they now, I have no idea. Well, I reckon that some things just doesn't last as long as you want them to, that includes my favourite toys.
Secondly, went to the hospital for medical appointment today.
They arranged me for Gastroscopy and also just for in case, Colonoscopy because of my family history. Don't make me go into the procedure of all of these scopes, because its just plain scary and disgusting.
Anyway, the mystery of my blood type is finally going to be revealed!!! They sent me for blood test!!! They drew out 3 tubes of my blood!!! OMG!!!
The waiting time was HORRIBLE. I spent my whole day there. :(
So tired.
Jean
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Door slammed shut.
After a long talk, the conflict between us has yet resolved.
You let out a heavy sigh, showing signs of despair, disappointment and helplessness.
You left us tearing with a sentence saying that you really have no idea how to communicate with us, and then walked away silently.
The door slammed shut.
You walked away, not understanding our reason of doing so. You walked away without having a single idea why the conversation was ended on a sour note. You walked away sighing, feeling disappointed without knowing why, our relationship is straining. You walked away shaking your head with a fading faith.
Your door slammed shut.
Your losing faith in us, shocked me. You claimed that you know us more than anyone else, but in fact you don't have the slightest clue about us. If life is an Account, you have already categorized us as a doubtful debt. We are not even in provision (In Accounting terms). Any further explanation from us, only be a futile defense, so what more is there left to explain?
Our door slammed shut.
Its a struggle to decide if it was better to just tell you how I felt. But when it had dawned upon me that you are always busy imposing your views on us, always busy explaining your point of views and never listen to ours, I just simply find it meaningless to talk to you, or even find it pointless to argue with you about my stand anymore. My impatience was a result of these, not because I'm slowly turning into a rebellious creature. You don't understand.
My door slammed shut.
Locked.
Jean
You let out a heavy sigh, showing signs of despair, disappointment and helplessness.
You left us tearing with a sentence saying that you really have no idea how to communicate with us, and then walked away silently.
The door slammed shut.
You walked away, not understanding our reason of doing so. You walked away without having a single idea why the conversation was ended on a sour note. You walked away sighing, feeling disappointed without knowing why, our relationship is straining. You walked away shaking your head with a fading faith.
Your door slammed shut.
Your losing faith in us, shocked me. You claimed that you know us more than anyone else, but in fact you don't have the slightest clue about us. If life is an Account, you have already categorized us as a doubtful debt. We are not even in provision (In Accounting terms). Any further explanation from us, only be a futile defense, so what more is there left to explain?
Our door slammed shut.
Its a struggle to decide if it was better to just tell you how I felt. But when it had dawned upon me that you are always busy imposing your views on us, always busy explaining your point of views and never listen to ours, I just simply find it meaningless to talk to you, or even find it pointless to argue with you about my stand anymore. My impatience was a result of these, not because I'm slowly turning into a rebellious creature. You don't understand.
My door slammed shut.
Locked.
Jean
Friday, April 2, 2010
Can't wait!
Oh I just can't wait for VIVACE!'s poster to be finalised :D
So I could post it up and let the whole world know that VIVACE! exist!!! HAHAHA
So til then, await the news people!!!
GO NEON!!!
(OK~ thats just plain random.)
Jean
So I could post it up and let the whole world know that VIVACE! exist!!! HAHAHA
So til then, await the news people!!!
GO NEON!!!
(OK~ thats just plain random.)
Jean
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Nagging Pain
I just hate my gastric's nagging pain, that just refuses to go away.
Stuffing myself with food now. (I know it won't work, just joking.)
Oh by the way,
Have a Merry April Fools' Day!
Jean
Stuffing myself with food now. (I know it won't work, just joking.)
Oh by the way,
Have a Merry April Fools' Day!
Jean