My thoughts are running all over the place, I'm very confused.
I'm beginning to doubt my passion and love for music. I'm beginning to question my qualification to love music. I'm beginning to denouce all of my theories of "living happily without regrets.", I'm very upset and frustrated with myself.
I hate to run away from problems.
But when my mind has reached a state of becoming too chaotic, I refused to face them.
Yes, I'm living in self-denial. Yes, I'm an escapist.
Probably being delusional isn't so bad afterall. At least I'm happier that way.
However, I'm fully aware of the state and situation I'm in, so I can't be classified as being delusional anymore, instead, I'm living in self-denial.
Can I just be ignorant to everything that is happening around me?
Can I just ignore all my problems and continue to be in denial?
Its easier and happier to live that way.
I'm lost. VERY LOST.
(Well, thats what I consider it to be 2nd degree Personal Crisis.)
I'm just staring blankly at the chess board with my tiny little stagnant chess pawns on it. I have no idea what will be my next move. Or am I just waiting for my opponent to make a move?
PS: Yes, the Gastroscopy and Colonoscopy is really bothering me. I'm very worried. I feel like just cancelling the whole thing, and pretend that theres nothing wrong with me. It's more than just freaking me out. I'm not looking forward to it at all.
Chaotic.
Jean