Its the end yet its another beginning

2010 will end in 3 hours time, its time for a conclusive post for the year shall we?

Frankly, 2010 is a terrible year and I'm never so glad to end it. Judging by the number of emotional breakdowns I had over these 12 months, I shall not waste time explaining why 2010 is such an unpleasant experience for me.

I've regretted, wasting these two years of my life. (Thats from the bottom of my heart, I really think so.) I've lost way too many things... Maybe because I've started this two years with the wrong attitude, the wrong footing. I haven't give in my best, hence I've lost... the old self, the old Jean whom I used to be.

Despite losing so much, its undeniable that I've gain something out of this wrong choice that I've made. Lets not forget the happy moments ya? Yes, first price for Guitar competiton; the success of Vivace!; built treasurable friendships with my TPGE people; found my love; went to Korea and saw snow... etc. Thus, it would be unfair, for me, to condemn 2010 to such extent. (Even though these happiness maynot have left such impression on me, I was happy then and I shall be happy thereafter.)

31 Dec 2010, new year eve. I promised myself to end this year with a big bang, but due to some unforesee circumstances, while people are down at Marina Bay singing Auld Lang Syne, enjoying the fireworks, ending 2010 on a high note, here I am, sitting in front of my computer blogging. What a dull way to welcome the arrival of 2011 huh?

Well, since I can't do much to improve my current situation, I can only accept it. May all unhappiness end along with 2010. Hope 2011 will be a new beginning to another chapter of my life.

When it comes to new year, lets not forget our new year resolutions and wishes ya? I'm greedy, I have 2 wishes and 3 resolutions.
1) I wish 2011 will be a better year.
2) I wish the people I love and care about to stay happy and healthy.
3) I want to do something useful this year, no more being lazy.
4) I will continue with music and drawing for as long as possible.
5) I will complete my thousand pieces puzzle.

At the very least, I can cross out number 5 :P HAHA.

Time to forget the frustrations and unhappiness. End them here and don't carry them forward to 2011. I realised that its important to start a new year with the right attitude and footing.
Happy New Year.

Happy 2011.
Love
Jean

Favourites

If you ask me whats my favourite number, I will say its 22.
If you ask me whats my favourite word, I will say its Vivace.
If you ask me what are my favourite alphabets, I will say they are Letter J, Z, X.

My favourite flower? Sun Flower (Though I really don't fancy flowers)
Favourite animals... Too much to list but the Top 5s are: Dogs, Dolphins, Whales, Lions and Sea Turtle.


Favourite drinks and food... Ice Jasmine Green Tea (Preferably H&E's) and Fried Chicken rice (Having it for dinner this whole month). ^^


My favourite pastime is Stoning (Yes, I'm serious)
I have 3 favourite things to do,
one: Go out to have dinner with my TPGE gang ^^;
two: Go out with dear ^^;
three: Walk around town at night. (Perfect Night View)


I love music and drawing, but I stop doing proper drawing ever since 2 years ago. T_T
I love Fireworks, or anything that lights up at night/ in the dark.^^

My favourite shows NOW are Special A and K-ON. ^^
Favourite book is The Great Blue Yonder by Alex Shearer.

LOL.. Okay Its quite obvious that I'm very bored. HAHA!!!

Jean

Carpe Diem

When I was still in Secondary school, my teacher told us the importance of Carpe Diem aka seize the day.

Yes. I agree Carpe Diem is important, but regretfully, because of procrastination and laziness, I haven't been doing it.

I've always told myself that I will do this and do that after my exams/ when holidays come. But usually I never did complete what I wanted to do.

2010 will end in 2 days, and what have I accomplished? Nothing. Whatever I've planned to do after A levels, I didn't really finish them. Because? I'm lazy.

Taking everyday for granted, taking every minute and every second for granted, I fail to seize the day. It would be better if there was a deadline for me, so at least, I won't waste my life away.

But, besides sitting in front of the PC and wallow in self pity, I am still not doing much.
So much for seizing the day ehz?

Jean

Just a feeling

Have you ever experience that, when one day you woke up in the morning and realised that you have lost something important to you?

After watching "Lost and Found" and read "The Great Blue Yonder" by Alex Shearer, it made me realised that losing someone or something you love is yet the worst.

Whats worst? Is losing what you love without a proper goodbye....
It brings grief and regret that will haunt you for life.

Yes, I know. Cause I've been through it. Because I tend to take what I have for granted... I fail to cherish...

Anyway, 2010 is coming to an end, Hope all ends well and I shall gracefully embrace the new beginning. ^^
I can't wait for 7 years later. ^^ How nice if it can happen earlier LOL!!! ^^
HAHA!!! Lets not ask for too much shall we?

^^
Til then
Toodles!!! ^^

Rants

Its Christmas!!! Yeah, its a joyful day, a joyful occasion. I should be pretty much be in a jubilant mood, but I'm always being reminded of what mummy told me yesterday.
Nothing unpleasant, but her words trigger my worries... her words.... I just simply cannot forget.

She make sense, she is most probably right, and thats what scares me the most.
Maybe I should just ignore the nagging worry, let it ring in my head and just ignore, but as much as I love to escape, I'm sick of escaping. But I cannot find an answer, and that bugs me a lot.

I don't want to be controlling, I know I am, so I'm correcting myself, this flaw.
But I'm weaker than I thought. Me, my heart really cannot withstand setbacks, so I plan never to fail. I may settle for simplicity, but to a certain extent, I'm a perfectionist. Yes I am. Its complicated, anyone understands?

The more perfect people think I am, the more exectations I have to meet, the more load I'll need to bear.
Its tiring.
I know.

Jean

Ranks

Well, it has been awhile. I was busy going on dates with dear and outings with friends, I hardly have time for myself - to sit down quietly and blog.

Hmmm, quite a hassle to update what had happened for the past few days so I shall not do it then.
"How do one know whether the intention of someone is true/genuine or sincere or not?" Just a thought...

I feel like ranking stuffs today haha!!! So I shall do a ranking exercise LOL!

My TOP 5 Fears:

1) Losing people I love aka Goodbyes
2) Being hurt
3) Changes
4) Afraid to show my emotions - Especially when I'm vulnerable.
5) Rejections
(Of course there are more... like fear of heights; fear of Bees, Moths and Butterflies - uh... actually all insects that fly...etc; but they are quite mild, so still okay. ^^)

My TOP 5 Hates:
1) Lies (Once my trust is broken, its unmendable)

2) Cruelty (Unforgivable)

3) Making me wait (I'm VERY impatient)
4) Selfishness (Thats why sometimes I really hate myself)
5) Chain letters or messages (A blessing one or a cursing one, I find them equally evil)

My TOP 5 Loves:
1) Family
2) Dear
3) Friends
4) Fireworks - Uh anything that shines in the dark: Colourful lightings; stars; moon; shooting stars... etc ^^
5) Nature

My Top 5 Favourite Cartoons:
1) Disney's Beauty and the Beast (Irreplaceable)
2) Tom and Jerry (Classic ones)
3) Top Cat
4) Popeye
5) Casper (Classic ones)

LOL!!! Oh well, I used to rank a lot when I was younger. HAHA!!!
Hmmm, though I'm not that fond of alcoholic drinks, but sometimes I'm just tempted to drink them. ARH gotta control, especially when I can't really hold my liquor well, LOL!!! HAHA!!!

Til then...
Toodles!!!
Jean

Memories

I was just staring at the birthday cum Xmas present my piano teacher gave me - its a cute light display (which reminds me of fireworks ^^) - while staring at it, I was just wondering how this gift would be nice if theres music installed - likened to the concept, that of a music box. Then it reminded me that I was looking for a music box a few years back. Haha!!!

So I went for music box shopping^^. Found a few, but the ones I've found then were too... fairy-tale like and fanciful. (Ya, I think thats the word) so I didn't buy it. HAHA!!! I was looking for something plain though, yes I'm crazy.
Hmmm... after countless tries, the want for a music box died down with disappointments. Haha!!!

Well, anyway, I believe in fate. If I'm meant to see the music box that I want, I will.

Image from: http://www.love-wishes.com/image/music/music2a.jpg

I know I've said that there are things not meant to be kept. But is there anyway that I can keep fireworks?

HAHA!!! Can't wait for countdown 2011, probably I could go catch a glimpse of the fireworks. HAHA!!!

I'm gonna spam fireworks sticks on... my birthday/ Xmas/ CNY heh heh!!!! ^^

Oh, December is ending soon. The fun never last, do they?
Jean

All out

I promised myself not to go out this week, but due to some unforesee circumstances, I went out anyway. Broke the promise to myself. T_T

It has become a chore to go out when all my outing clothes are in the wash. Those that are done washing, the weather hasn't been much of a help to dry them up. Those that are dry? I'm too lazy to iron them.
Yes I've got issues.

Anyway the outing plans for the subsequent week are as follow...
Tomorrow: Replacing my Ezlink card, cos I lost it a month ago.
18th: Dom's friend's BBQ chalet
19th to 20th: My BBQ + Stayover
23rd: Dom's Class Chalet
26th: Post Xmas party at grandma's place
27th: Outing with usual TPGE peeps (Still planning)
28th: Lunch with Addie
31st: Countdown YO! (I don't care, die also must go HAHAHA!!! FIREWORKS!!!)

Oh dear santa, please give me a new set of wardrobe for christmas, I promise I'll be nice. ^^

EHZ! WHEN CAN WE GO SENTOSA??? I WANT TO GO!!! T_T

HAHA
Jean

Thoughts that counts

When I was in Korea, we were brought to this purple crystal retail shop. (Of course, we were expected to spend on some purple crystals, otherwise they wouldn't plan to bring us there.) Anyway, almost all of them were priced above a hundred SGD. But non of those fancy expensive purple crystal accessories caught my eye.
In fact, what attracted me was a simple necklace. Its in a shape of a clover leave and the crystal was made up of crystal powder, priced around eight SGD.
It was a love at first sight, I bought it - without second thought.
It became my 19th birthday present to myself.
None shall replace this beautiful necklace, even though it may seems worthless to some.

I've always thought that I like extraordinary and special stuffs. But I tend to be attracted to things that are simple and plain. Its a good thing actually, maybe the real me just want to be simple and stable. HAHA!!!
Well, but I haven't give up on the dream of having a surprise.
Maybe a surprise.. hmmm something likened to that of those that will happen in a drama serial.
Too much ehz? Well, no harm dreaming. LOL!!!
Hmmm I just want to know how it feels to be surprised. Haha!! Seems unlikely cos I've always managed to guess a surprise coming my way. HEH HEH.

Hmmm.... Its frustrating when I have a lot of wants, months before my birthday, and *POOF! when its just a few days before 22 Dec, I have no idea what to buy for myself. HAHA!!!
Well to a certain extent I'm a shoppaholic. So when I'm finally given the right to slurge and I can't, its irritating.

HMMM... ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS.....(Fill in the blank) :D
Jean

Behind the scene

I know how hard it is to love someone yet the love becomes unrequited.
I know how hard it is to stay behind the scene and not being able to reveal your true feelings.

Its a bless to be loved and to love.

You will find yours someday, just like how I've found mind.

Everyone deserves to be the major role in their love story. One day, you will be the major character of your love story, no longer a minor and behind the scene no more.

Jean

Mixed posts

I wonder hows Every and Everest.
Are they still standing side by side with each other in Everland? or have they melted?
If they are able to feel, would they remember that we built them? Will they miss us? Are they lonely there without us?

My new year resolution for next year is simple.
I hope 2011 would be better.
Not that 2010 is a bad year, there are happy moments of course, but technically, 2010 is a rough year for me. 2010 made me realise that I'm not good at dealing with stress and emotionally, I'm not strong... at all.
2011 will be better. It shall be better, cause I'll make it better.

Ah... soon I'll be 19.
Haha, time sure flies.
Its funny how I want to forget that my birthday is next Wednesday.
A part of me don't want to be reminded that I'm one more year further away from enjoying the privilege to be a child.
Its no longer ok to make mistakes.
Its no longer ok to be unreasonable and throw a tantrum whenever you like.
Its no longer ok to be irresponsible.
Its no longer ok to be naive, dependent and immature.
...
Hahaha!
How silly. We can't avoid it can we?
Silly thoughts haha!

Boring weeks ahead.
C'mon!!! surprises!!! Even if 2010 is not a fantastic year for me, at least give it a nice/ memorable (perfect) ending!!!
OKAY, I'm gonna churn out some surprises for Jean. ^^
SHHHHHH.... Don't tell Jean okay?

AHHHH I'm so delighted today!!! ^^ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Hehe
Jean

I'm back yo!!!

AH!!! I'm back!!!
Yes, finally warmth!!! haha!!!

Anyway, enjoyed myself in Korea. Love it there, its a nice place. People should go there once in awhile to chill [during winter] (both literally and non literally). HAHAHA!!!

Its a pity we went there during winter... can't shop much cos they are all selling winter clothes. I only mangaged to buy 2 shorts, 2 shirts, 1 pair of shoe and some souvenirs for friends...etc So If theres another chance, I'm going there during spring, summer or autumn. ^^

Hmmm... just some thoughts that came to my mind when I experienced snow....

Well I didn't expect it to snow, but it did. It felt so... magical. Lets do away with the cold and freeze... just by looking at the snow scene, you would feel uplifted. HAHAHA!!!

Its like I'm the happiest person on earth, and nothing can dampen my feelings. (I feel the same when I'm staring into the sky, the clouds, the stars and the moon, nature.)

They reminded me that my troubles are so insignificant and there are more things out there, which are more meaningful and beautiful, that await me to discover and to appreciate.

Nature does wonders, doesn't it?

Now I know, if I'm really troubled next time, I really should take a break and spend sometime with nature. I never realised it helps. ^^

We always assumed that we will have the next second, the next minute, the next hour, days, weeks and following years to go. So we tend to plan and prepare for the future and we always failed to cherish the present. But I realised, the most crucial, the most important and sometimes the most beautiful moments always occur at the present. There are things in life, we can never preserve them in a long term basis. Take the snowman that we built for example, we can't take it home with us. It will melt eventually along with the other patches of snow as time goes by. Then I realised, somethings are not meant to be everlasting, we can only appreciate and cherish them during the present moment. I learnt that, I ought to, not take the present happiness for granted, as it may leave me as soon as it comes to me, learn to cherish now, then to leave it for later.

I'm still consolidating all the photos taken during these 8 days (We have 5 different cameras-including phones) so photos will be uploaded sometimes next week. HAHAHA!!!

I'm home!!!
Though I still miss Korea!!!

Jean

Taking off soon

Yup this is it, the trip that I've been pending for months. Finally I'm taking off tomorrow.
However now, I feel quite... reluctant to go.
I guess, partly is because of the worrying situation over there. If the conflict escalates, coming back alive could be a problem... or am I thinking too much?

Feel like changing the flying plan to Hong Kong. Yes, Hong Kong again, my next favourite place to Provence (Though I haven't been there. Well maybe, next stop Provence shall be!!! :P).

Anyway, I'll keep my finger cross and hope it will be a safe trip.

Did I ever mention, I don't like the airport?
Its a place where goodbyes usually surface. I have a weak heart, I don't think I can take another goodbye.
Just last year, a few hours before I depart for Hong Kong, Granny made me a bowl of birthday noodle. She said because I'll be away during my birthday, she made me a bowl of noodle to celebrate my birthday with me in advance.
After hearing what she said, I couldn't stop tearing and got the strong urge to cancel my trip.
Don't see me off, I don't think I can take it.

Okay, logging off soon for one final shopping.
Wish us Bon Voyage yo!!!

Jean

BORING!!!

When you are suppose to be working or studying, you tend to procrastinate and idle around.
Probably you just wanna enjoy the excitement of infringing that little rule that bound you to your work. You certainly can't wait for holidays, because then, you can officially take a break and laze all day long.

However, when you are entitled of the chance to idle for months, it has dawned upon you that theres really nothing interesting you can do. Sure, you have planned out a whole "To-Do" list for your holidays, but despite the list, you just can't figure it out why you are so damn free?

ARGH!!!! This month is boring me!!!!

Okay gotta get back to packing the house.
Have fun idling around yo!!!

Jean

Post A activities

Hello December!!! ^^

PLEASE PLEASE APPROVE MY RELIEF TEACHING APPLICATION!!! -Cross Fingers Pray Hard-

4th to 11th Dec - Korea trip.
14th Dec - Go buy electric guitar.
17th Dec - Shopping for BBQ stuff
18th Dec - Shopping for BBQ stuff + Dear's friend's Birthday chalet
19th Dec - TPGE cum Family BBQ gathering
22nd Dec - My birthday... Probably rotting at home. (HK Disneyland's fireworks!!! MISS YOU LOTS!!! T_T)
24th Dec - Christmas Eve... Probably rotting at home again...T_T
25th Dec - Christmas... Probably rotting at home too...T_T
31st Dec - COUNT DOWN for 2011!!! (FIREWORKS!!! ^^)
*Unmentioned dates, I'm gonna stay at home and start on my puzzle, music and drawing. Well unless anyone has plans for outing and/or to chill!!! ^^*

Okay... wad a boring month... T_T

Jean