I had fun yesterday. Hanging out with ensemble people is a cool and happy thing. However I was very perturbed yesterday, so I didn't really enjoy the fun to the full extent.
Perturbed? Oh well... If I'm not wrong I think I'd mentioned before that one's emotions will be conveyed through the music that he/she performs. Well, the music that I've played yesterday was a total disaster. The mood wasn't there, the tempo was chaotic, I didn't listen to the music as a whole, I was too focused at my parts, I wasn't feeling anything.
In other words, I was just plucking and struming the guitar like some soulless creature. So the music coming from me, sounded, soulless as well.
Am I affected? If I say No.. Its a lie. --- Yes I am.
Yes... So I was very perturbed.
When I was younger, I told my piano teacher that because I'm tired, so I didn't have time to practice my piano, or because I'm tired I couldn't focus.
So one day, she told me that no responsible musician would blame his/her poor performances on exhaustion.
If they lose focus/not paying attention, just say they lost it/zoned out, take a break, freshen up and then revisit what went wrong. If they can't play, just say they can't, and start practicing.
Tired doesn't always equates to Losing focus. Tired cannot be an excuse to cover the inadequate practice that he/she had, because that will only make people despise them.
Don't be afraid of being reprimanded because in actual fact, they did not practice/ they are not paying attention.
In other words, she was trying to tell me, admit what went wrong, do not find excuses for my mistakes and accept the punishments for not practicing and not paying attention. Well, in another sense, its a good life lesson, though her words were a little harsh for the young me, whom failed to understand her intentions at that time. :P
Well, now I finally understand, hence, (whenever I meant it seriously) I never used exhaustion to explain my mistakes or whatsoever.
I've always acknowledge that it was my own musical incompetency that had caused me to play badly. But yesterday, I knew, its not about my musical ability, its because I lost my focus... or probably both.
Yes So.. I'm perturbed.
I hope that next week would be better.
I still have issues with my nails. I need them to grow ASAP. Or else, I'll resort to fake ones.
"Do you hear me nails?! Thats my final warning to you ok?! So now, GROW!!!"
JEAN