Flying off

Flying Off in 10 hours time.

Bon Voyage to us, Merry Christmas in advance and of course, Happy Birthday to me in advance. :P

Jean

Fear

A sense of fear overwhelms me again.

Its a nagging fear that has been bugging me for so long.

Oppression, in the past, used to work out fine. However recently, when I tried to oppress this nagging fear, it seemed to be quite useless.

I can neither avoid it nor face it.

I don't want to show others my fear, so I try hiding it. I hid it so well, no one noticed that this fear had bugged me for so long. I coerced myself into being another individual when I'm in front of others. I'm not myself.

Time doesn't make any noise. It will crept by quietly and unknowingly. I knew very well that one day, what I feared will come true. I felt so helpless, I can't do anything to stop it from happening.

... ... ... ...

Jean

48 hours

Flying off in 48 hours time.

Oh man... I'm gonna get motion sickness again....

Jean

Realisation

I realised, no matter how many hours I've slept, I still feel extremely exhausted. I felt like sleeping whenever I'm at home. This is definitely not helping my revision.

Last week , I strained my vocal cords too much and now, I'm at the mist of losing my voice. :D Ok, now I realised that if I exploit my vocal cords too much, they will go on strike.

On a side note, I realised that I've been deceiving myself. I've been trying to force myself into having faith in something that I don't even believe in. Everything is not working out. I only have myself to blame I guess.

Jean

Guilty

I think, I'm insane.

I've reached a state that if I don't study for a day, I'll feel extremely guilty, following that, I'll start reprimanding myself for not studying, then scare myself with A levels, and after that I'll threaten to starve myself, and whatnot....

But, when I'm determined to open my books and start studying, I'll get too distracted with all the things around me and in the end, I'll end up wondering away to some unknown wonderland.

Then I'll start feeling guilty, start reprimanding myself, start to scare myself to death, start to threaten myself and whatnot...

( and the cycle goes on....)

This is what I'm feeling right now. I'm pretty positive that I'm mentally ill.

COME ON!!! ITS MY HOLIDAY!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

I can't believe I'm saying this but, right now, I rather go to school. I mean at least I'll know that my priorities would be studying and not get too distracted with all the miscellaneous things that I'll only do during holidays.

SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME!!!

I'm insane... I'm insane... I'm insane....
Jean.

Title-less

(I ran out of ideas for post titles, so yar, I name this one title-less.)

Went for vocal lesson today. Love it!!! :D

I'm very irritated with myself. I've got abit of time management issue here. I have so much to do but so little time! I kept spending time on the wrong things. I really should know how to prioritize my stuff.

BLEH.

Jean

Vocal

Went for my first vocal lesson today. :D

I'M SO HAPPY!!! :D HAHA BECAUSE I GET TO SING TO MY HEART'S CONTENT!!! (Without being complained by my irritating neighbour.) :D Thats something worth being happy about. :D

I love singing. I love everything about it! I just love fretting over those notes that I can't pitch properly, I just love enjoying the melodious tune coming out of my mouth, I just love worrying for my soring throat, I just love immersing myself in music...etc.

Looking forward to the next lesson on Wednesday. :D

Jean

Life is just like a piece of music, a repertoire, a song.

I just thought of this:

Life is just like a piece of music, a repertoire, a song.

It has its crescendos and decrescendos. Occasionally, ornaments are used to spice up the repertoire a little: to make it more exciting and eventful. Sometimes it just sounds wonderful. And at times, a handful of accidentals just have to appear at the weirdest moments/ the most inappropriate times, creating an awful sound to the piece.

However dynamics constitute the emotions of the piece and ornaments make the piece more interesting. Although unexpected accidentals that appear at the wrong place are unpleasant to have, it’s undeniable that it is important because it makes the whole piece of repertoire extraordinary. Without all these, music just isn’t music.

Love your music: Love your life. It’s special.

Disclaimer: The above content is more than anything, product of my inspirations from my life. Any form of similarities, are purely coincidence.

Jean

Not too happy with myself

I'm not too happy with myself.

My enthusiasm towards everything I do wanes quickly.

Thats dumb.

Jean

Camera! Say Cheese!

Got a new camera! :D

Its a Blue Canon Power Shot A480 :D

10.0 Mega.Pix :D

I Guess, its not that high-end type but at least it is better than my previous one. :D So who is complaining? HAHA.

This is how it looks like :D

Jean

Cooking

My Grandma is moving in a month's time.

This means that, nobody is gonna be there and prepare our dinner. This also means that, Net and I have to do the cooking.

Which this is a good thing for Net and a bad thing for me because I can't cook!

In order to ensure that I do not to throw the burden of preparing dinner for the family to Net, Mum asked me to be around whenever she is cooking, so that I could learn something, and at the same time, share the burden of dinner preparation with Net.

So... A few moments ago, I cooked my first bowl of fried rice. :D

Looks nice and erm... I think it taste nice too. :D

I'm so happy. :D

My first bowl of Fried Rice. I name it: Jean's Special!

Jean

Promoted!!!

I GOT PROMOTED TO JC2!!!!!

TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!

I've never been so happy to attend lectures!!! YAY!!!

JEAN

Just another random post

My literature tutor went through a question on my text 'Proof' today. The question is about how truths are usually not that simple and... er... something else, can't really recall. Anyway, and we are suppose to relate this concept to the text.
Sounds so.... profound and philosophical right?
Well what did you know, all I'm sure of is that I don't get the whole lecture. I don't get the whole truth-thingy. And I'm sure that I'm definitely lost somewhere in that overwhelming flood of the word: Truths, during the lecture. It's giving me an headache.

Tomorrow is the DAY.
It will end my anxieties, once and for all.
and
It will decide if a family war is going to spark off anot.

I'm extremely worried now.

I feel like... like.... I don't know... get drunk and forget all of my troubles?

Oh my gawd.

Jean

Stuff

I can't get Taylor Swift's Love Story outta my head.

Counting Down to my departure for Hong Kong!!!! (Yes I know I'm leaving in a month's time, but WHO CARES!!! I get to leave Singapore for a while, and that is a GOOD THING. :D)

Yes I know I'm slow, but now I'm very into 'What Happens in VEGAS' Oh My Gawd! You guys have no idea how much I LOVE THAT SHOW! (Once again, Yes I'm slow. Blame O'Levels.) Well, AS MUCH AS I like 'What Happens in VEGAS', I Love Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher as well MUAHAHAHA!!! (OK I'm insane.)

When is Cameron Diaz's THE BOX showing in Singapore? or rather, WILL IT EVEN BE SHOWN IN SINGAPORE??!! (Ignore me, I'm insane.)

Anyway, that puzzle that I bought is killing me. It is flooding my eyes and drowning them with Mickey's head!!! Well serve me right for buying it.

I'm racking my brains to come up with a romantic comedy. Hopefully it will be out before new year. :P (YES, though writing it is useless and a complete waste of time, but can't help it, I'm in love with script writing. :D)

I'm dying to sing Taylor Swift's Love Story NOW. But considering that it's already (almost) midnight and ever since last month my neighbour came down and knock on my door to complain that my NOISE is disturbing them, I shall only mouth the lyrics. POOR ME. :(

I'm failing terribly at SIMS 2. (Yes I have no life.)

Dying to watch the Xmas Carol. 19 NOV 2009 HEHEHEHEHEH.


Time to turn in :(
Jean

ENDED

Project Work is finally OVER!!!

YAY!!!

GOTTA PARTEH (Party)!!!

JEAN

Ending soon

Approximately, 10 more hours to the end of PW.

Oral presentation tomorrow.

Yes, I there could be a high possiblity that I would stammer because I'm nervous.

Or I might forget my lines and start reading off from the cue cards because I'm nervous.

Or I might recite my lines in a super fast speed because I'm nervous.

But whatever the case is, it's going to be over soon and I'm definitely gonna live through them.

Jean

I just realised that...

I just realised that...

I'm too lazy to do anything.

I can't keep my eyes open.

I'm hoping for something that will never come true.

The fact that I'm easily influenced is bugging me.

I'm physically and mentally exhausted.

My anxieties are frustrating.

I can't control my emotions.

NOTHING is working out.

I'm breaking down SOON.

Jean

Wore out

This week I totally wore myself out, regardless physically, emotionally or mentally.

I was extremely frustrated and irritated with every little thing around me. I was extremely stressed, nervous and anxious because of the upcoming exams. I felt more strongly when it comes to my music exam.

The fear of failing, the fear of disappointing my teacher, parents and of course myself was overwhelming. The anxieties had made me lose my mind. I practically throw my temper and vent my frustrations on everyone around me.

It was like... I'm being strangled by a rope, I could hardly breathe. I tried hiding, I tried escaping from all of these troubles and anxieties by diverting my attention to something else or probably turning in early to avoid thinking too much, but all my efforts were of no avail.

I'm suffocating... I need to take a breather...
Jean

Written Report

I was pretty stressed out and irritated with the school today.

My written report was rejected. I was told to re-print them.

I wouldn't have to go through all this if my school was a little more organize. They stated in that dumb handouts of theirs, saying that, "All Written Reports must be bound/stapled together with the official cover page." and now, it got rejected because I bound them.

As a prudent person I had read through that irritating handout a million times, just to make sure that they really accept bound written report!

Because holes were punched on to my official cover page, I asked my tutor if she still has any extras. To my delight she said yes! However following the good news, was that we can't use another fresh sheet of official cover page because one of our group mate wasn't in school to sign it! Without her signiture, we can neither hand in nor use it! Why can she just attend school?!

That was the last straw. I blew my top.

Be thankful that, that wasn't the worse.

Believe me, you'll never want to see that side of me.

Extremely frustrated
Jean

Partly Cloudy - Being ME.

Since when my life is a vivace repertoire?

Black and white.. perhaps with a few patches of grey here and there... These are what constitute my life. I'm frustrated that it lacks vibrant colours. I'm frustrated with how my life always works, so dull and mundane.
This is me.

I'm Restricted, ensnared, trapped and chained with doing things that I don't think I enjoy doing.

I was told that I never listens to myself.
I was advised to listen to what that little voice of mine is saying, because, it is speaking on behalf of what I really felt, what I really want. It is speaking on behalf of the things that I've never paid much attention to, It is speaking on behalf of the things that I delibrately ignored/hide due to my lack of courage.

Expressing myself was never an easy task. I find it hard to speak my mind.

* I guess its Just Me and my 'Partly Cloudy' life. (Neither too bad, nor too good)

Bored to the MAX.
Jean

Erased...Nope...Erasing

I remember, about 6 months ago, I kept that ring of mine and said that I will only put it on whenever the time allows or whenever is appropriate. 31 August 2009, I took it out and wore it for the first time... after 6 months of anticipation.(Analogy, if you can, try and decipher what I'm saying here.)
I was very excited.
(Don't get what I'm trying to say? Refer to the February post on 'Finger and Ring/ TMS and Me')

I was excited about wearing my JC uniform to see my secondary school teachers, telling them that they have done a great job in teaching me, telling them that I'm doing fine, there is really no need to worry much about me (In this case, I try not to worry them too much by telling them the truth - Which is of course I'm not doing so well.), wish them Happy Teachers' Day as well as catching up with them...etc.

As I set my foot on the second floor, outside the staff room/ outside the AVT, I felt a strong urge to cry. Many of my mugging-for-OLevels-moments were spent there. All the memories that I've delibrately tried to forget (and I thought I have forgotten) in order for me to move on, came rushing back to me. I felt extremely emotional. As I calmed myself down, and regained my senses, the first thing that I did was to look for my form teacher, Mdm Yeo and my Social Studies teacher Miss Soh.

We've talk about many things, but somehow I just couldn't remember the majority of the content of our conversation. It's not that I wasn't paying attention to the conversation, but I was too emotionally occupied when I saw them. Its like... I was experiencing an emotional turmoil inside me. I couldn't calm myself down. When I told them about my anxieties: about being retained, they said that judging by how I mugged for O levels, they have absolute confident in me that I'll make it.(On oe hand, I was glad that they have such confident in me, but on the other hand, I was afraid to disappoint them.) They also felt sorry and commented that stress had made me looked emaciated. I was touched.

Time passed by in the speed of light, and it was time for me to go. Before I left, I told Mdm Yeo that if I'm given a choice, I will stay in Temasek forever and never will I leave. Somehow she sensed that I was about to cry, she gave me a hug and told me that I have their numbers, I can call them whenever I need someone to talk to. Taking my emotion instability into account, by right, tears should gushed out any moment after she finished her line. But I don't want them to see the weaker/emotional side of me, I deperately tried very hard to hold back my tears, I quickly bid them goodbye and went off. On my way out, I saw my English teacher Mr Toh, my Ex-Chinese teacher Mdm Liang as well as my Ex-Musical teacher in-charge Miss Chia. We catched up a little and we partednot long after. I walked to the hall, took a glanced at it, reminisced about the time I've spent there: my first performance was held there, my first performing experience happened there, my first speech day certificate was received there...etc.
I realised that if I stay there any longer, I'll definitely go through emotional breakdown, hence I rushed out of the school immediately.

On my way back, I calmed down a little. But this time, emptiness overwhelms me. I felt incomplete. I felt that a part of me had been left behind. Immediately I knew, if I don't forget this trip back to TMS, I'll again fall into the deep pit of nostalgia and unable to move on. Which of course I wouldn't want it to happen because promos is just around the corner. I really don't want to screw things up because of my inability to let go of the past.

Now I want to erase this part of my memory. I want to delibrately forget this trip back to TMS. Well, I'm still in the process of erasing. (Because if I've erased it completely, this post wouldn't exist, would it?)

I'm taking off the ring now. Keeping it off my ring-finger indefinitely. After Promos.... perhaps.

Jean

Angry!

Went to the petrol station just now with Net to get ourselves some snacks. As we've collected ourselves a mountain of snacks, both of us were too scared to move around - as a slight movement may caused the whole mountain of snacks to collasp - which neither one of us wanted it to happen, so we picked the nearest cashier to queue in order to minimise movement.

The couple infront of us took uber-freaking long time, so we waited...and waited...and waited... Finally when it is our turn, the idiot cashier threw the "counter close" sign at us and points to the loooonnnggg queue beside us. Implying that the actual queue is that one. Then he murmurs to himself saying: "I don't serve 'Cut-Queuers'."

WTH!!!! OK!!! I got your message you bigsizeuglyold-attitude-problematic idiot!!! We didn't know alright? As a service provider, isn't he suppose to direct us to the other queue when he already saw us/know that we are queueing at the wrong line? Attitude problem MUCH!!!! The worse part is, he served the guy queueing behind us. OH, so that guy behind isn't a 'Cut-Queuer'?! WTH?! I feel like slapping him; hurling vulgarities at him but Net being a kind soul, stopped me.

OK. So we went to the actual line to queue.

AND GUESS WHAT! WHEN IT'S OUR TURN, HE IS THE ONE TO SERVE US AGAIN!!! OK~ thats irritating, but I maintained my cool. I threw the things that I was holding on the counter table and gave him a death glare. He unhappily, stuffed all my things into a bag and stood there like a piece of wooden block waiting to be chopped. I threw a piece of 50 dollars at him, snatched my change and walked off.

That was really irritating and infuriating.
Can't believe it.

Jean

Emotionally Attached

I'm that sort of person who will hang on to the past tightly and (unless I have to) I'll simply refuse to move on.

5 years ago, daddy decided to change away old Volvo for a new car. I felt rather ambivalent: On one hand I couldn't bear to leave old Volvo, but on the other hand, I felt rather excited about getting a new car. In order to make me feel better, daddy allowed me to be involved in the entire "buying-a-car" process.

I've always loved Jaguar.

(I've got to admit, I like Jaguar because superficially I was attracted by the small Jaguar statue that is sticking out in front of the car: I find it extremely cute.) OK, back to the point, believe it or not, I like Jaguar is because I've always admire Jaguar's sense of majestic-ness. Hence I suggested Jaguar to daddy. Maybe great minds think alike, daddy was considering Jaguar as well.

So soon, we decided on Jaguar. I gave my views on the colours of the exterior and interior of the car, the kind of car plate to be used...etc. Daddy, mummy took most of my suggestions therefore, practically, I was the one making all the decision regarding the car. I was totally involved in this process and I was enjoying it.

When we received the car, everyone was exhilariated. I was the most excited one as I considered the car to be the baby of my decisions. Mummy suggested that we should give the small Jaguar statue a name. Without our consent, she name it 'Nancy.' Net and I were against it but sooner or later, we called it Nancy without even realising it.

Last year, some rascals stole 'Nancy' - the small Jaguar statue. We felt sorry and devastated. Then we've got it replaced and then we named the new small Jaguar statue 'Albert'.

Jaguar had always been there for the family when we need it. I don't know about the family but I was very thankful. I vowed to myself, that I shall dedicated my first driving experience to Jaguar, my baby.

But everything has got it's working period. Dear old Jaguar had reached it's maximum working period. We have got to change.

I was against it. Jaguar was my baby! How could I forsake it for another car? Hence, this time, I pulled myself out of the "car-buying process". I refused to involve myself, not even going for test drive.

Last Saturday, We left Jaguar with the sales, and brought home a car that I'm totally unfamiliar with. Before we left the place, I gave 'Albert' the-small-Jaguar-statue a little pat and thats the last time I'll be able to see it.

I left with a heavy heart. I felt like crying. But I know, if my tears fall, daddy and mummy will definitely mock me. Hence, I maintianed my cool, and remained very very quiet throuhout the whole journey home. Of course occationally, mummy will ask me, if the the car is nice or not. I would give an insincere and untrue answer that the car was fantastic....etc.

Maybe because this time round I didn't involve myself too much with the car choosing and other stuff, I guess that explains why I felt less emotionally attached to Audi.

Audi can never replace Jaguar.
I guess it never will.

Jean

Bus

A wordy post.

Up to now, I've experienced rude bus drivers twice.
The 'first time' took placed last month, when I went out with my grandmother. It was a long day and the both of us were extremely exhausted. To head home, we waited for a single-even-digit bus at a bustop. A few minute passed, and that particular bus that we were waiting for arrived. I waved my hand to signal the bus driver to stop for us. However, that bus didn't stop and it drove pass the bus stop. In order to save us time and get home quickly, I was very determined to board that bus, hence, I waved hysterically at the bus driver in order for him to notice me. Thankfully, in the end he stopped and we boarded the bus.
On our way up, the bus driver scolded us for waving late, and had caused him to stop the bus illegally. Oh boy, was I mad! However, despite the frustrations and anger that are boiling inside me, I remained my cool and still replied him politely (in chinese): "Uncle, I did wave at you. I'm so sorry that you have serious eyesight problem, so much so that you can't even see my hand waving. I suggest you should give your eyes a check, or else you'll endanger our lives as passengers of your bus."

Well, that stopped him from talking, for goodness' sake.

The second time happened today. I left school to head home at around 5 this evening. Iwas waiting for a double-even-digit bus and it soon arrived after 15 minutes of wait. I boarded the bus, stood somewhere near the exit and stoned: Thinking about the amount of homework I've to do today, do some mental planning of things to do this week and of course in the mist of day dreaming, I immersed myself in to some random deep thoughts and drive myself into self pitying: how torturous and meaningless my life could be...
ANYWAY, thats not the point. The point is, when I'm arriving at my stop, I stepped forward, intending to press the bell to alert the driver to stop for me to alight. But someone beat me to it and rang the bell. Well, since someone had pressed the bell, theres no point for me to press anymore, hence i just stood at the exit and waited for the bus to stop.
Who knows, that bus driver didn't stop! I immediately rang the bell and again had caused the bus driver to stop the bus 'illegally'. Before I alight, the bus driver commented rudely (in singlish/chinese): "Don't press the bell last minute MAH!"
I got so frustrated and angry that I replied:"That bell was rang long time ago, I didn't know you were deaf."

and I got off.

These two drivers were completely insufferable. Blaming passengers for the mistakes they've made. How absurd and atrocious can they be? Super infuriating.

Jean

Six Harmonix

Today is a very special day.
Six Harmonix's first performance took place today, 19 August 2009!!!
OH YEAH!!!

Actually it is an audition for Teachers' Day concert, however, to me it is more of a performance than an audition. A pretty good experience for this young band indeed.

and... WE DID VERY WELL TODAY!!! WOOZ!!!

(*Clap * Clap * Clap)

Oh and... piano exam is on Friday. I'm so stressed out. I'll lose my sanity soon. Wish me luck people!
(Missing school, guitar as well as band prac on Friday.)

2nd Harmonix of the Six Harmonix
Vocalist :)
Jean

Stagnant. Frustrations. RANTS

Stagnant, dead, outdated - whatever vocabularies that you would use to describe my blog I don't care.

Nowadays, my life had been so meaningless and uneventful that even if I feel like posting something on the blog, I've totally nothing to write about.

I pretty gald that Six Harmonix is going on fine.
Guitar prac is good as well. Still having second thoughts about being a section leader: Too much work and commitment, I really don't have the time.
School work? Well all I can say is... IT IS PLUMMETING PLUMmetting Plummeting, plummeting and plummeting....
Piano, is driving me insane, I'm going bonkers. Exam on the 21st. JUST MY LUCK.
Getting new handphone on the 21st or the 22nd.
Piling homeworks
Tests lining-up
Feel like jamming and singing, devote myself totally to music, BUT NO! I have to study.
Feel like going on a tour, just to escape myself from all of these nonsense. BUT NO! I have to attend school.
Feel like screaming my head off just to vent my frustrations. BUT NO! I'll disturb my neighbours.

SCREW YOU PEOPLE!!!

I'm amused... How aimless and meaningless my life is.

Jean

Come and Go

It's like walking on an open and endless path.
Many will just pass by... come and go.
They never stay... for too long.

Maybe, you think. I might or already am immuned to all of these departures in life.

Never. I dare say.

I'll never be able to get use to it.
I'll never be able to understand it.
Why people are coming to me and yet, eventually, leave me.
If that is the case, please, don't ever come.
Don't ever let me see them, don't ever let me know them.
It takes me a long time before I can recover from all of these departures in life.

Self centered. Yes I am.
But if they never came,
at least...
I won't feel so much if they leave me again.

Jean

BEST WEEK EVER!!!

HOORAY TO TPGE CAMP!!!!
BEST CAMP EVER!!!!
UBER COOL CAMP!!!

LOTS OF LOVE TO SENIORS and FRIENDS!!!!

GO ~MUFFINS~ GO!!!!

:D

Well, last five days were definitely tiring but extremely fun.

• Tuesday, the full rehearsal for Panorama, marks the start of the marathorn.
• Followed by the actual Panorama performance at Esplanade on Wednesday.
• Next our own Guitar concert in school - Muchachos Del Tango on Thursday.
• Then TPGE camp on Friday and Saturday.
• After I break camp at 13:45pm on Saturday, I still have to attend mass Literature lecture at 14:00pm until 19:00pm.

I slept from 22:00pm all the way till now... hmmmm 17 hours.... BUT I'M STILL VERY TIRED!!!

I'm pretty upset that the seniors are stepping down... Feeling quite empty somehow...

Nevertheless, I think I'll enjoy my days in TPGE.

Its a feeling, I've never felt before.

The real fun has just began...

GO TPGE!!!

Jean

HECTIC WEEKS

MR. BLOG IS NOT GOING TO MAKE IT!!!
QUICK! DOCTOR! SOMEBODY! OXYGEN! ANYONE! CPR! OMG! HELP!!!
PLEASE REVIVE THIS POOR LITTLE THING!!!
HELP!!!

....
....
....

CONGRATULATION! MR.BLOG HAS GOT A STRONG WILL OF LIVING! HE MADE IT!!!

(The above idea was taken from Netto Tan's BLOG.)

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

WOOZ! Last two weeks I was pretty busy with school work. Thank god, this week is less hectic, however, I think the upcoming weeks will then again, stress me out. So before chaos arrive, I'm actually glad that I could spend some time with Mr. Blog now. :D

Last Monday to Friday, I was practically fighting my head off with all those tutorial questions. 7 subjects to 1 vulnerable student, it was definitely an unfair match. Thank god, I managed to survive through the grueling battle. So still quite OK.

Went yacht-ing in Sentosa with dad's client last Saturday morning. It was really fun - sitting at the deck, enjoying sea breeze hitting on to my face when the yacht is moving - was pretty relaxing. It was especially relaxing when stress has been getting on to my nerves lately. Then that night, I went for a play with fellow LIT STUDENTS. :D The play was so-so, nevertheless, it would be of some help/use when I mug for my literature. :D

Had chemistry tution on Sunday morning, and did my homework for the rest of the day. The process was so taxing that I went for a nap. Overslept til evening, had my dinner and sleep again.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Cheers
Jean

Don't laugh

Seriously... Super sad today...

I fell down at the road side, near the bus stop, right outside the side gate this morning...

IT'S NOT FUNNY. DON'T LAUGH.

It's so humiliating la... It's the road side thats pretty near the bus stop, and it's right outside the side gate mind you... This means that all the car drivers, bus passengers, passer-by, and TPJCian who walked passed or stopped by saw me fell....

IT'S SUPER DUPER SADDENING LA!!!

:(

I told Net that I fell down when I reached home... THEN YOU KNOW WHAT?!

SHE BURST OUT LAUGHING!!!

SUPER SAD ALREADY... STILL LAUGH!!! :(

BOO HOO!!!
Jean :P

Last Post for April

I think I've made a big loss for this week's investment.

I guess, the time being dedicated to those Mid Term Assignments ain't gonna pay off.

Anyway. Last day of April...

May the fifth month of 2009 be better.

Tomorrow is Literature "Outing"!!! Going T2 to plan and rehearse our skit! OOZ!
as well as TMS class 5/1 and 5/2 class outing!!!

WOOZ!!!

Jean

Test-Marathon

Tomorrow is the day!

End of the Test-Marathon.

Erm... Thursday to be exact. But Thursday is General Paper essay, so nothing much that I can mug about... so yar. Tomorrow it shall be!

*This week, I've forgo to do my all my homework and study for all my tests. Opportunity Cost.
Love this line A very "Economic" sentence that I created myself.... Haha. (Diaclaimer: Any similarities to other sentences, is purely coincidence.)

Anyway. Wish me luck tomorrow!

Woo!

Jean

Aim for the year

Aim for the year: Promoting to J2. AND Sleep before 12am every weekday.

Jean

Reflection for the week.

I'm a literature student, but I don't behave like one. So I'm trying very hard to behave more "literature-ish". Thus previously the "Baby" post I tried to be a little more poetic than before. :D Net commented that it was pretty ugly.... :P So much for being poetic. :(

So Anyway... One week later, is going to be very hectic and chaotic. Well it is M-T-A, I have to treat it seriously.

I'm identified for STAR programme! :( At least STAR sounds nicer than Remedials. Thats a point to be happy about. :D Nothing bad about STAR actually, I think I need it. :D To drop out of STAR, I have to clear my M-T-A for chemistry, General Paper and Economics. I think, it's not too difficult to achieve, so I shall try my best.

I'm coping very well with my JC life... is it a lie?... Yes no? Not going into it.

I feel like stuffing myself with chocolates. Thats insane. Well... I think I am insane.

Chinese project is driving me crazy! What is the rationale for doing that project? I don't know.

Starting Chemistry tuition next Sunday. I'm so going to ace my Chemistry M-T-A!

Labour Day is coming!!! That means holiday!!!

Wooz!

Jean

Today

I'm so screwed today.

Went to see BABY yesterday night, and when I reached home, I was so exhilarated that I've forgotten to do all of my homework.

I'm being identified for ECONOMICS STAR programme! (o_Olll)

BOO HOO!!!

Well, on a side note, Net took several pictures of the BABY! MUAHAHAHA!!! I can't post them up yet, as I need to seek approval from the parents first.

THE BABY IS SO CUTE!!!!

ARGH!!!!

I'm insane.
Jean

Baby

I stared quietly at those tiny little eyes,
They were as clear as water dew - Well, those eyes were shut though,
Still, I'm amused.

I stroked gently on her rosy cheek,
In fear that I'd hurt her with my clumsy moves.

Oh my, she sleeps so soundly.
Ignoring the rustlings around her,
In the little world of her own.

I wonder what she would be dreaming about?
Food-milk?
Her parents and siblings perhaps?
Or maybe her aspirations for the future?

Oops! 8:30pm.
Time for me to go.
So, Goodnight Baby.
Have a sweet dream. :D

Jean

Comment

I'm appalled.

I'm disgusted

that

SOMEONE can be so... so hypocritical, so fake, and still have the cheek to lie through her teeth in order to argue and defend herself for her, erm... I would say... immature behaviour.

(Seriously I'm refraining myself to hurl abusive language.)

A coward, I would say.

If not for that comment on her tag, affirmatively, she wouldn't even bother to delete those two abusive posts. (As if she can't wait for the whole world to know that she is the vulnerable one.) She said she was going to delete them soon. Even before the comment was posted.

RUBBISH!

I posted that comment 24 hours ago, and 24 hours later, those abusive posts were still there staring at my face....

Trying to lie?

Trying to argue for your rights?

I'm no fool.

Try doing it a smarter way I would say.

If you got the guts, 不要睁着眼睛说瞎话.

The moment when I start critisizing, is the moment when I've given up entirely on a particular person, and I will never take it back.

To me, I consider my close relatives as my family members.

YOU, are as good as a stranger to me.
Invisible.
Not even enough to consider yourself as my distant relative.
And never will.

How dare you criticize one of my family members?

If you don't cherish them, I do.

If you dislike them, I don't.

Do you know the difference between Sympathize and Empathize?
I DON'T empathize, I sympathize.

Seriously, I pity you.

PS: By the way, at least when I criticize, I have the guts to use LARGE fonts. Unlike SOMEONE. :D

Signing off
Jean

Bored

Still in the mist of completing my tutorials.

Used tpjc.net as an excuse to on the computer.
Oops!
... ... ...
Well, since I'm online, no harm blogging, yes no? :P

1. Like I expected, didn't perform well for profiling tests... Well, no worries! Work harder for Mid-Term Assignment then! Press On!!!!
2. A note to one person: If you want to criticize people on your blog, have the guts to type them in big-size fonts then!
3. Sorry guys! Stood you all up yesterday! There was a big miscommunication between my parents and I, so we ended up missing the tomb-sweeping session. Oops! Sorry!
4. I told daddy that if I can lead a carefree life, spending the rest of my time daydreaming, and think of/pondering about all those nonsense (for example: How wonderful if I can fly to the sky...etc.. that sort of nonsensical stuff) I would die of no regret. :D

...

Seriously, GET REAL GIRL!!!

URGH!!! I don't know how to do Literature!!!

Oops, mummy is coming!

Signing off

Cheers

Jean

微妙

在这个大大的世界里，
有着许许多多大大的城市。
在这些大大的城市里，
都会有着许多小小的家庭。
在这些小小的家庭背后，
都有着自己一篇小小的故事。

在这分钟的我可能在被窝里呼呼大睡，
但同时的这分钟，另半球的人可能还再因为工作，忙得不可开交。
在这分钟的我可能因为某某事而感到开心不已，
但在同时的这分钟，别人也可能因为某某事而感到伤心难过。
在这分钟，某个地方，可能有一个小生命诞生了。
但在同时的这分钟，某个地方，也有可能有一个生命即将永远离我们而去。

单纯的人，也有不单纯的时候。
复杂的人，也有不复杂的时候。
愚蠢的人，也有精明的时候。
反应迟钝的人，也有反应敏捷的时候。

有着许许多多的可能性，就在那一线之间，就在那一刹那... 一种微妙的关系产生了，连接着所有人...

就觉得很微妙。

又在胡言乱语了...
Jean

RANTING!

Still in search of that particular motivation that I've mentioned earlier to again foster my interest to study.

So I browsed through NUS's and NTU's webpage to look for those entry requirements of certain courses, to serve as a target for the next 1.5 years.

However, I was demoralised.

I was appalled by the realisation of the competitiveness I'll be facing after 'A's and entering a course in local U. "Where do I stand?", "Do I have what it takes to survive in this challenging society?" are the questions that I've been asking myself numerous time ever since.

Things were made extremely difficult when I have been constantly challenged by procrastinations as well as the low commitment level I had in me.

(Which eventually lead to another issue that I'll go into it later: How long will my enthusiam last if I chose either Veterinary, or Accounting, or Teaching or establishing a career in the Mass Media industry when I enter University?)

I'm lost.

I'm always pondering about where will I end up next, after (hopefully) my 2 years in TPJC?

I felt that I'm gradually losing even that little amount of confidence that I had in me and I have enough of tolerating the perpetual feeling of demoralisation when I'm in school. The gap between O level and A level are simply too far apart. I think I'm losing grip.

I'm questioning my capabilities.

I felt that I don't have enough substance to back me up during group work. I can't seem to contribute much during group discussions and it had always makes me feel really... really small. On top of that the feeling of guiltness is overwhelming.

I should start reading.

Straight 'A's for me? Only in dreams I guess.

Nevertheless, not to worry, I've NOT reached the stage where I'll feel regretful that I've chosen JC education.

Still surviving yea!

RANTING
Jean

Nails

I regretted cutting my nails for piano's sake. Now I can't pluck the guitar strings properly.

Boo!

After messing with chords for 2 hours, my fingers are ofiicially swollen.

Finally, weekend! YAY!
I'm so gonna have ample rest before next week starts.

Till then
Jean

Gastric Problem

Its my turn now.
I knew it would come.
With my eating habits, I presumed it to be a sooner-or-later thing.

Yes, Gastric problem.

I'm disgusted with the medicine. But if I continue to put off with the medications, guess it would be a problem itself to shake off this problematic gastric fella.

Oh man...
Jean

Profiling Tests

Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised, at all, if I failed all my Profiling Tests.

And the next thing I know is my mum pulling me to various locations for tuitions and me being listed for remedials till late evening everyday. (I'm serious, take note of all the Plural Tenses... and Yes, it is THAT bad...)

Serve me right. I'm terribily upset about it.

BOO!

Jean

Random

Wooz!

I just love today, aka My Music Day!

Haha!

Just finished my intensive piano and guitar session!
It feels extremely good when I know my stuff while practicing!

Sad thing is, my fingers are crying in pain...:(

Because of my procrastination, I ended up spending a week to finish only mere holidays' homework! I've yet to hit the books for next week's profiling test!

Seriously, I'm a goner. I couldn't agree more on that procrastinating is a terrible sin.

I vow I'm gonna mug through the whole weekend.

Jean

...Title-less...

Well whats the point of planning when things don't really go according to plan.

I planned to complete my homework and study Econs today.

I ended up sleeping the whole day instead.

Geez~

I have dental at 3:45pm tomorrow.
Guitar Practice on Thursday 1pm to 3pm.

WOO YEAH~
Jean

Bowling day!

AISAH, ADELINE AND I WENT BOWLING TODAY!!!

Firstly, when we were entering our names to the system, I don't know whatever for, Adeline added an "I" to my name. So when the screen appeared the word "Zinci", I exclaimed immediately: "Who on earth is Zinci?!"

Adeline said it was me...

For the last time, goodness sake, Adeline, I'm not "Zinci"!!!

Secondly, "Beginner's luck" doesn't really applies to me.... I'm pretty honored to announce that I scored the lowest among the 3 of us!!! WEE~

Haha but then again its OK to lose to Adeline and Aisah. The worse part is to realise that I've lost to two 10+ year old kids!!!

Me and my pathetic 6 points for the last game. HAHA!!!

I was damn stressed out when I learnt that the little boy got an 8 while I got a 6! (Especially when we are both skinny and bowl the same weight of ball.)

And then maybe the little girl appeared to be so amused with my bowling skill, she can't help but to keep staring at me, observing me, how I can bowl a perfect gutter ball. When I succeeded, she laugh happiliy for me. :)

Oh man... that was really pathetic and humiliating lah! Haha.

Nevertheless, today I still had a FUN time!!!

Saw my Pathetic 6 points and the word "Zinci"? HAHA!!!

Cheers!

Jean

Nothing-to-talk-about

I'm blogging with my new laptop!

Well...not exactly new, it used to be my dad's.

Anyway, still I love every single thing about this laptop except the size and the keys. This laptop is heavy and HUGE. (OK, I'm exaggerating, but its really big-size!) and the keys are loose... they sounded as if they are falling out soon.

I shall be very gentle with them.

Apparently, I'm still awake. After 5 hours of nap just now, I don't think I can sleep anymore.

Going out with Adeline and Aisah tomorrow. We are going bowling.

Gosh, it has been decades ever since I last bowled! Primary 5 I guess? I've stopped bowling for so many years! I really don't know if I'm bowling the ball tomorrow, or I'm the one being bowled.

Can't imagine.
Till Then
Jean

RANTS

I need motivation to study. I really need it (the motivation) to help me pull through my Promos this year.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to find this motivation that I've been long looking for. The problem here is that I sensed the urgency, (as if the thought of being retain doesn't scare me enough), but I need something STRONGER, strong enough to make me feel that I REALLY need to or have to clear my Promos.

HELP I NEED MOTIVATION!!!

I blame it on the thinking that: Even if I didn't do well for my A levels and can't make it for Local U, I still have other alternatives. (I know, A levels and Promos are two different things but somehow, the thinking actually affect each other in some way or another.) And its not normal to think like this I tell you.... People will start thinking that I'm insane! Because, choosing Junior College education and not going for University is an act of insanity.

Sometimes I'm so troubled and stressed up (especially when recently, I realised that there are two Aliens namely, Economics and Chemistry has invaded my life!!!) I need to go out and take a breather, so I decided to ask my friends to go out with me. However, It makes me think that I'm committing a sin whenever I asked my friends out. Its either they think that I should be mugging my books at home or I shouldn't stop them from mugging their books.

...

...

...

Ok, leaving A levels and Promos aside...

I'm lost... I'M VERY LOST.

I've been through serious thinking these few days and I realised that I'm gradually over-turning the career route I've planned for myself in the earlier post. (as initially being an accountant then go for mid-career change to be a teacher.)

After those serious thinkings, it has dawned on me that, what I've planned, aren't what I really want. To me, being an accountant seems to be an obligation. Its like I'm obligated to do so. If not, (not depending Net to take over it), AcmeFocus Pte Ltd, will be handed over to a stranger to take over. In which I absolutely DO NOT WISH to see that.

Everytime when mum starts to comment that she is sick of working, wanting to retire, and told me that she has started on her 'spotting possible potential successor - to take over her' mission, actually threatens me. I know Net won't want to take over the company because being an accountant has never crossed her mind at all. So I pinned all hopes on myself to prevent AcmeFocus Pte Ltd from falling into the hands of stranger. So that makes me obligated to become an accountant in the future.

So practically, I don't have a choice... Do I?

OK, enough rantings...
Still have tutorials to finish!
URGH!!!

Jean

Rain

It has been raining quite heavily for the past few days. Especially, it likes to rain specifically at a particular period, which is an hour before my school dismissal. :(

Hence, this means that, I'll be drenched, on my way home. Darn it.

So its really a miracle that I didn't fell sick despite being drenched in the rain almost everyday this week. Strong immune system indeed.

I know this is a bit childish but I would like to urge the weather: "Rain, rain go away, come again another day!"

Cheers
Jean

Crisis!

My piano teacher urged me to practice my piano.

Exam is in July.

Ok, noted.

I need to have time on my side.

So... I'm in for BIG TIME!!!

Crisis here!!!

Jean

Darn you - phone!

Seriously, I shouldn't be blogging now. Well, this is because, countless of tutorials thats due tomorrow awaits me and I'm very happy to say that they are nowhere near completion. :D

I'm so going to change a phone!!! Why? Well, this is why...

It poured just now at 6:30pm, right after chemistry make up lecture. Darn rain, I was like soaking wet while waiting for bus 12. After I board the bus, I actually alighted at the wrong stop and I have to wait for the next bus 12 AGAIN. So while in the mist of waiting and being drenched, the rain suddenly subsided, and then stopped. Out of coincidence, I looked up to the sky, and guess what I saw?

YES!!! ITS A RAINBOW!!! So damn nice can?!?!?! Out of excitement, I quickly took out my phone, intending to take a picture of that beautiful rainbow.

WHO KNOWS!!! My phone got such lousy camara, I can't seems to take a clear picture of that rainbow. Just when I was about to zoom-in and see if the effect would improve, that dumb phone died on me.

I swear I just charged that dumb battery yesterday.

Darn phone. Hate you to the core!!! Its so infuriating!!! I'm gonna curse that phone to no end I tell you!!!

URGH!!!

PS: Oh by the way, I bought an extremely cute 7 eleven bear. I named it GULP-GULP!!! and The other one that I bought last Friday, Quick-Quick!!!
They are SO going to be BFF!!! (best friends forever!!!) MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

SO CUTE!!!

I LOVE BEARS!!!

Once again
Cheers!
Jean

HECTIC WEEK

EXTREMELY HECTIC SCHEDULE AWAITS ME PRACTICALLY EVERYDAY.

I'm DOOMED.

Now I practically end school at 5pm everyday (including CCA). And I've so many tutorials to complete and deadlines to meet in such little time. In addition I need time to complete my music theory homework and practice my piano as well as my guitar. I also need time to do house chores and such.

I seriously need an extra hour, no, or rather 10 extra hours everyday!

Gimme a break would ya?

PS: Please don't infuriate and irritate me at this point in time or else I'll curse you to no end. :D

Frustrated
Jean

Coffee-Table.

The long awaits coffee-table had finally been delivered!

Hooray!!!

HOORAY to the fun that I've missed out yesterday, due to the fact that I have to rush home and wait for the table to be delivered yesterday right after Road Run.
And HOORAY to the excuses they gave me hinting that they can't make it to deliver that table yesterday.
Lastly HOORAY that they promised to deliver it today by 5pm.

So I waited... Its already 5:45pm.

At 6pm, Net reached home. She was like asking where is the table. I pointed to the empty space at the living room and said:"Oh there it is! Its transparent in colour! Can't you see it? Its gorgeous!!!"

Net eyed me.

So I waited... 6:30pm

and waited... 7:30pm

Finally *Ding Dong!!! 8:30pm.

Delivered by 5pm? Oh! I really didn't know that their 5pm is my 8:30pm!

I vowed to myself that if the coffee-table still ain't delivered to my house by today, I'm gonna sue that irritating company to no end.

Since its has already been delivered, I'll let the matter rest. :D

That table is seriously gorgeous. I chose it!!! and I love it!!! I've such good taste!

Jean

I'm HUNGRY!!!!

I'm HUNGRY!!!

VERY VERY HUNGRY!!!

I WANT FOOD!!!!

NOW!!!

Jean

Town!!!

YAY!!! I FINALLY WENT TO TOWN!!!
Yes, I'm pretty much into town lately. No idea why.

Went town with Aisah, Adeline and Wilfred!!!

Anyway I'm still waiting for Adeline and Aisah to send me the photos. My darn phone ran out of battery before I could take any photos!

So Adeline, Aisah: May I know, "Why am I waiting?"

Haha

Its a pity Yining can't make it and poor Wilfred is like so alone. :P

We decided to walk from Wisma to Esplanade, its a crazy idea. However we didn't make it in the end because by the time we reached Plaza-Sing, its simply too late, Aisah's mum called and we had to go back.

But not to worry! We had made a pact: to finish our "journey" continuing from Plaza-Sing to Esplanade next time. :) I'm looking very forward to it!!!

WAAA HOO!!!

Jean